Journey of a Thousand Miles

I am pretty excited for my goals for 2017. This was a long, arduous year, but I got through it, and I think next year will be ten times better. I just wanted to share some of my goals for next year (I have a lot). Finish "The Clockmaker's Quest" - This is the book I've been writing since 2007. This year I focused on plotting, and I am not finished, but I hope to finish the first draft next year. Then I will submit to an editor, a critique group, and start finding an agent.  Finish recording and release my 2nd album! - I have already finished writing songs for the album, submitted them to my producer, and I hope to go back to Nashville in January to finish recording. I hope to release sometime in the Spring, then go on tour in the summer.  Get a synch license - I have been researching different ways to make money as an indie artist, and synch licensing is the way to go. Basically, that means getting your songs into TV/film/commercials. They pay big bucks for the...

If you refuse to give controllers the power they seek, they will almost always turn to punishing you in some way. You'll never break free and attain real contentment until you're true to yourself and find the courage to be who you really are. Sometimes you have to take enormous risks to discover who you really are and, more important, live out who you really are. To be the person you truly are, you have to be willing to face tremendous loss.   When you are authentic, you set yourself up for the deepest kind of enduring contentment. You discover the profound peace that accompanies a set of free and effective choices, the feeling of fulfillment and inner calm you have when you confidently know that you are fully capable of representing and standing by your deepest desires and your best judgment. The ground may be very rocky on the way to genuineness, but the ultimate reward for getting there is unbelievably satisfying. She was trying to do the impossible- find co...

Well life is going by slowly but surely. I don't always get everything done that I need to, but sometimes you just gotta live life and let interruptions happen. Some days I wish I could expedite my success and reach my goals sooner. There are lots of days that I wish the music industry was still like the old days when record labels still signed and developed new artists. They don't anymore because the industry isn't making money like it used to. Nobody wants to pay for music when they can hear it for free. It's aggravating for someone like me who wishes they could make a living with music, but it feels like an upward battle, like swimming upstream in a waterfall. Some days I wonder if I should pursue a new dream and give up on music entirely. Then somebody will hear my music and love it and tell me not to give up. So I don't. I keep plucking away on my guitar, writing new songs, wondering when I should record and whether or not I'll ever "make it." L...

Today I just needed a break. The slow progress of daily living was getting to me. I was frustrated with my day job getting in the way of my life, and all I wanted was for God to open a door to get me out of my status quo. Then I opened an email and found this from rachelwojo.com, and it couldn't have come at more impeccable timing. It's almost like she was reading my mind: "Many times we feel like giving up because it seems the effort we are making is so small. We think "Why should I keep trying to move forward? I've hardly made any progress." But small effort over time is better than no effort. You never know when God is going to kick in the momentum you've been longing for. He only asks for our obedience in the present moment. Take that, Wednesday!" It made me realize that my steady progress is still moving somewhere. I may not see the results as fast as I want to, and sometimes it seems like I'm taking two steps back, but God will open d...

I get the feeling that I overwork myself. Today I was dealing with a lot of frustration and impatience over technology. Let me tell you, it can be frustrating when it doesn't work. But anyhow, when I get frustrated, I have to take a step back and give myself time to breathe and relax. Take a time-out and just inhale...exhale...inhale...exhale. As much as I want to accomplish my goals in one lifetime, I just have to be okay with not getting everything done in one day. Now that I'm single again, I have a lot of time on my hands to plug away. It has been a blessing, that's for sure. But on the other hand, I set too high expectations on myself, which causes frustration. I got a lot done today, but I want to make sure I am making time for relationships as well, especially with my parents. I live with them, but sometimes I lock myself in my room and don't come out until I "get all my work done." Well, that's never going to happen with my laundry list of goal...

Today ended up being a better Monday than I expected. It started off slow and gloomy. I had no motivation for work, no motivation for my goals, I was feeling sad about my breakup, and I just wanted to stay in bed. I guess cloudy days can do that. Then I met with my new mentor from church, and she changed everything! We talked about everything: my recent breakup (she encouraged me that this was a GREAT idea, and she's glad I'm no longer with him), mission trips, different cultures/religions, the differences between men and women, the hardships of marriage and children. It gave me perspective that I am exactly where I need to be. I am now ok with being single. I have the time I need to accomplish the goals on my heart, and I thank God that He is giving me this time in His ultimate wisdom. He truly knows what's best for me, and He knows that the demands of being a wife and mother would pull me away from my music, the book I want to write, and the business I want to start. I ...

Today I wrote down every single goal I have in life, then I made a list of every step required to achieve them. I am excited for all my goals. Now that I see a step-by-step map, I know what I need to do daily, weekly, monthly to achieve them. Little by little, I will see progress. Little by little, I will get to where I need to go. It may take longer; it may take shorter. And there may be new obstacles in the way, but at least I can move forward. And I will keep God at the center. If He decides not to take me down the same route I want to go, that's ok. I can take a detour. If anyone deters me from my path, I may have to remove them from my life. I can still love them as a Christian, and I can still serve the people God wants me to serve. But if someone is pulling me away from God and the path I need to be on, I need to let them go. I went on a detour this past year in the wrong relationship, but I am excited to get back on track. No more fighting. No more tugging and pulling. No m...

I went to a Bible study with a friend the other day where they give "prophetic" words, which is a symbol or vision from God that is meant to encourage others. Since I was new there, they gave a prophetic word over me, and one of the messages was simply two words: LOVE LIFE. I feel that in the past few months, I've become really happy here in Austin. Despite the fact that I miss my family and long to go back home sometimes, my fate has really turned around here, and all the struggles I endured for two years have finally redeemed themselves. My shattered dreams are starting to resurface, and this time, I am going after them with gusto and with God's support. I know why God allowed those dreams to be shattered in the first place, however. They were an idol in my heart. I had placed all my hope, trust, and identity into fulfilling those dreams, thinking that life would be simple and grand once I reached them. But as soon as I struck out to pursue them, I realized I di...

Well today I'm going skydiving, and this marks a huge goal off my bucket list. I decided to make the jump a little more symbolic for me, like taking a huge leap into a new life, leaving the past behind me. Jumping into freedom, I guess. I took some time this morning to look back on old posts, and I've seen alot of change in me over the past 2 years. Can you believe it's been 2 years since I moved to Austin? My, how time flies. Sometimes I wonder if I should go back home to my family who I miss oh-so-much. But there's some things here that I know I would miss. I've been blessed with a great job that I enjoy going to, and I have friends here that I don't want to leave behind. Not to mention my church, but I also have a church in Houston that I love as well. I'm just wondering if I would "fit-in" in Houston. Every time I go there, it seems so different now. And I've changed so much that I wonder if I would belong there at all. Sometimes I think th...

I think the hardest part about going after my goals is not being able to see the finish line. All I see around me are obstacles and setbacks, and it's easy to wonder if I'm getting anywhere at all. Today was the hardest for my ambitious little heart. When a girl like me who is creative, smart, and intelligent is sitting in a temp agency's office that is asking her to alphabetize words, she starts to feel that her intelligence is being insulted. Why did I even go to college?! I didn't get a BACHELOR'S degree so I could re-learn the alphabet! Then, when I'm sitting in the waiting room to get food stamps, and all the people around me look on the verge of being homeless or having their 10th child, I start to think, This is not where I belong. How did I end up here? What's even more sad is that I actually qualified for food stamps. It can only get better from here, right? I was told that God sees our circumstances in a different light than we do, and...

WARNING: This is a blog about nothing, really. This has been one very relaxing, much-needed trip to Houston. I love spending time with my family and catching up with old friends. After this weekend, I think God knew what He was doing by sending me to Austin. Although I miss some aspects of my life in Houston, I am very grateful for all that God has blessed me for my life in Austin. I am mostly grateful for the Recovery process God has bestowed on me. It has saved my life in a multitude of ways. Recovery has allowed me to be single so I could grow as a person, pursue my dreams, and become the person I want to be without having a relationship to damage my life. Better yet, I have learned to find my identity in Christ and not in a man's approval. It is truly freeing. I would like to remember that I am ok right where I am. It gets easy to lose perspective in the midst of difficult circumstances, and I forget to be grateful for what God has given to me. This weekend was a reminder of m...

One of the resolutions on my long list this year is to take my time. I never realized how much time I wasted on pointless activities until I tried to sit down and do the meaningful activities, and I got restless. I have a hard time focusing on the things I really want to do because I get overwhelmed. And what do I do when I get overwhelmed? I do what's easy: procrastinate. Get on facebook. Check my email for the umpteenth time. It's tireless, and it gets me nowhere to reaching my goals. For the past 4 days, I've been sick and stuck in my apartment. I'm a person who gets cabin fever very easily, so this was hard for me. For hours, I would read books, get on the Internet, sleep, then start all over. After the 3rd day, I got sick of the internet and the same self-help books and decided I needed to change something. I felt like I was wasting my time and not getting anywhere towards my goals this year. How often do I sit down and try to write a song on guitar, or learn to pl...

How are your resolutions coming along so far? I've been doing a good job of focusing on my goals this year of getting into grad school. I have a very disciplined list of what I should spend time on this year, and what I shouldn't spend time on this year. One thing I would like to spend less time on this year is FACEBOOK. It is the bane of my existence. I can't believe how much time can pass on there without me even realizing it. It's like, I go on just to check ONE THING, and then all of a sudden, I'm checking out pictures of a person I hardly even know. It is such a sickness. So I have decided to have a specific destination when I get on the computer so I don't end up spending hours on facebook. Lately, when I get on the computer, I am looking up schools to study abroad at. I am hoping to apply to the Rotary scholarship , which would allow me to study abroad for a year, while doing community service in my chosen country. Just one of the many goals on my list th...

As we approach the end of 2010, I like to reflect on the changes made in the past year and talk about my resolution for next year. My resolution for this past year was more of a list rather, and here it is in all it's entirety: apply to grad school take control of my life think more positively live for God's purpose and not my own define myself by how God views me and not how others view me don't take things so personally trust God more be happier forgive more be easier to get along with I have to say, I think I did a good job of accomplishing most of my goals on this list. I didn't accomplish #1, but that's what 2011 will be dedicated to. And for #2, I allowed God to take control of my life, rather than trying to control it myself. But #3-10, I feel I accomplished, and that is a good feeling. So now on to 2011... I want 2011 to be dedicated to getting back on the road again... on the road to my dreams, goals, and ultimately, to myself. In 2005, I took a long detour...

In your darkest moments, find the light and turn to it. This is something I've had to instill in me this past year. I've really had to learn how to take control of my thoughts and how I feel about myself and to stop being so negative. I can get myself down on just one negative thought after another, and I don't even notice that I'm doing it until I'm already in this depressive state and can't get myself out of it. It's like digging a deep dark pit for myself, and by the time I realize I'm doing it, I'm at the bottom of the pit. But I've learned in the past year how to climb out of the pit without the help of others. It's difficult, but it can be done. After all I've been through and all I've overcome, I have no reason not to feel good about myself. But sometimes, I still get low and moody and tear myself apart. There's no reason for this. And so that's why I have set out to treat myself right and stop abusing my emotions. I ...

It seems so much longer than a year since I moved to Austin. I have changed so much that it seems I have aged five years, both in maturity and in weariness. I first came here open and vulnerable to new experiences, ready to take on the city and show them what I had, though I wasn't quite brave enough to really do that. I had a host of dependencies that I was carrying with me that wouldn't let me walk on my own. I had hangups that I was still harboring in my heart and false perceptions that would eventually carry themselves to the surface, only to be scrutinized, condemned, and then changed. For the first few months, I was very hurt, confused, and disappointed at what I would find in my new life. I longed to go back to my old life, to find my dreams again, to grasp tightly to those things I so dearly depended on for my security. It wouldn't be long before I would be wiped clean of everything I clinged to and set on a different path that I was not familiar with. I had to beco...

My first recording session went AMAZING!!!! This is the start to something beautiful and terrific. I have wanted to do this for a long time, and I can't believe it's finally here, and it is everything I ever hoped for. The second I walked into the recording studio, my adrenaline rushed, and I knew it was exactly where I was meant to be. I was meant to do this. At first, I was so nervous to be singing and playing in front of a complete stranger, or in front of anyone for that matter, and my voice wasn't up to par. But once I got comfortable and we recorded a few more tracks, my voice got better, and I eased up, and I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. I can't wait to record more songs! I wish I had done this a long time ago. I could be on the road by now! So my recording engineer really likes my voice and my music, which was really encouraging. He told me everything I wanted to hear and more.

Written May 21, 2008, Wed. So I'm going through one of those moments where I'm struggling with what I want to do with my life. The Houston humidity is reminding me of how much I don't want to be here and how much I wish I were somewhere else doing something else. I don't want to work in the fashion industry anymore, which means my degree is a waste (so I'm pretty pissed about that), and the things I want to do seem so far out of reach and unattainable that I almost don't even want to try. But there is a saying that makes me not want to give up: "The important thing is not being afraid to take a chance. Remember, the greatest failure is to not try. Once you find something you love to do, be the best at doing it." Here's another good one: "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." So I've been pondering on whether or not I should go back...

It is late at night, and I don't have to work tomorrow, so I thought I'd take some time to get my thoughts out. I've been pondering my life lately, and sifting out what's working and not working. I think I've become comfortable where I'm at, which can be both good and bad. I've met new people in my old hometown, and I enjoy my job, even though it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life. But I'm cozy. I'm happy. No conflict. The only conflict I have is that I don't feel like I'm really "doing" anything with my life, and by that, I mean... I could be doing so much more with my life. Like, what am I doing for the world? Everything I do is for myself and not for others, and I'd like a little altruism in my life. I need more purpose, more vision... more accomplishment. I honestly thought I would have accomplished alot more in my life by this age. I hardly feel successful. I do have a direction, but I feel lik...