Find the Light

In your darkest moments, find the light and turn to it.

This is something I've had to instill in me this past year. I've really had to learn how to take control of my thoughts and how I feel about myself and to stop being so negative. I can get myself down on just one negative thought after another, and I don't even notice that I'm doing it until I'm already in this depressive state and can't get myself out of it. It's like digging a deep dark pit for myself, and by the time I realize I'm doing it, I'm at the bottom of the pit. But I've learned in the past year how to climb out of the pit without the help of others. It's difficult, but it can be done.

After all I've been through and all I've overcome, I have no reason not to feel good about myself. But sometimes, I still get low and moody and tear myself apart. There's no reason for this. And so that's why I have set out to treat myself right and stop abusing my emotions. I have a few words of encouragement that I read that really helped me get out of this slump, and I'd like to share them with you too.

I don't have to be a victim of my past, and I don't have to let past mistakes decide my future. I have a lot to live for, and I still have a lot of dreams left in me. But anyway, I stumbled upon some words of wisdom that really inspired me, and here they are:

Strong women are those who know the road ahead will be strewn with obstacles, but they still choose to walk it because it's the right one for them.

Strong women are those who make mistakes, admit to them, learn from those failures, and then use that knowledge.

Strong women are easily hurt, but they still extend their hearts and hands, knowing the risk and accepting the pain when it comes.

Strong women are sometimes beat down by life, but they still stand back up and step forward again.

Strong women are afraid. They face the fear and move ahead to the future, as uncertain as it can be.

Strong women are not those who succeed the first time. They're the ones who fail time and again but still keep trying until they succeed.

Strong women face the daily trials of life, sometimes with a tear, but always with their heads high as the new day dawns.

-Brenda Hager

My road has definitely been strewn with obstacles, but I know it's the right road for me. The obstacles are meant to be overcome. My life in Austin has been strewn with obstacle after obstacle, but I have overcome alot this past year, and I'm still truckin' and still learning. I'm looking forward to see what else God has in store for me for the next few months. I am definitely hoping that this next lease year will end better than last. We'll find out in July.

Also, I have made alot of mistakes, but I don't have to let them get me down. I can overcome them, learn from them, and move on. I have been hurt alot this year, but I am not going to close up and shut down like I have in the past. I want close relationships and lasting relationships, and I know I need people close by. I want to keep my hands open for love and friendships, so I will not let past hurts affect my present relationships.

I get beat down by life every day. My present circumstances can be taxing on the soul sometimes. I pray for God every day to turn things around, and I wait silently for Him (well... maybe not that silent). I know God is using these difficulties for a reason. I love the hard times because they mold me into a better, stronger person. Even though things are hard right now, I value all my experiences in life right now. The important thing is, I still move forward no matter how much the going gets tough.

I've had to face ALOT of fear in the past year, and mostly in the past couple of months. In my Recovery group, I have to face things from my past that I suppressed deep within me, and now I have to dig them out and work on them. But I face it and move ahead, rather than run away. I'm really learning to confront my fears and confront conflict, something I was definitely afraid to do before moving here. God has definitely strengthened me in that area. It's hard to be a strong, assertive woman in a very scary world sometimes.

And again, I have failed many times, but I'm not letting that get me down. I'm using those failures to learn from, and every time I fall, I will get back up and try again. I have goals to reach, dreams to attain, and I will not back down. The successful people are those who keep trying even when the circumstances look bleak. They are the ones who stand up after a fall and keep walking.

And finally, I face my daily trials, sometimes with a tear, but always with my eyes on God, knowing that He will not lead me astray. He will only guide me closer to Him.

So with that said, I am striving to feel better about myself because I deserve it after all I've been through and all I've overcome. I deserve to like myself and value myself. Why get myself down just because I've made mistakes or failed? Everyone makes mistakes and fails in their life. What matters is how you react to it. So I choose to react positively and in a manner of self-respect.

That's really all I have to say.