Journey of a Thousand Miles

God doesn't throw out our prayers. He cares about the details of our lives. If there's something you're praying for over and over, and it's still not being answered, take comfort in the fact that God does care, even if He seems far away. He is working out the details of your life through the circumstances you're currently in.  If there's someone who can pray with you, invite people in. Don't assume that people won't be interested in your prayer just because they're not struggling with the same thing. You'd be surprised how much people care and want to know your struggles. They want to share theirs too and know that they're not alone.  You may wonder if there's ever an end to your suffering. There is. There always is. Sometimes it takes days, months, or years. I was unemployed twice for a matter of six months, and God provided great job opportunities that have built the career of my dreams. I was single for years, and God provided a ...

So, after my little temper tantrum with God yesterday, I felt much better. I think sometimes it's good to know that I don't always have to be okay with the way things are. In short, it is ok to not be ok. And once we are honest with ourselves and honest with God, He can do a much better work in us. Also, I took the 5 Love Languages Assessment and discovered some interesting findings. With friends, my primary love language is Quality Time , and my secondary was a tie between Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch . And just as I suspected, in a romantic relationship, my primary love language is Physical Touch , and my secondary was a tie between Words of Affirmation and Quality Time . For some reason, I never thought of Words of Affirmation as one of my stronger love languages, but it makes sense, seeing that I constantly need reassurance and am easily harmed by critical remarks. So anyway, I would just like to say that being honest about my feelings of singledom really hel...

I think the hardest part about going after my goals is not being able to see the finish line. All I see around me are obstacles and setbacks, and it's easy to wonder if I'm getting anywhere at all. Today was the hardest for my ambitious little heart. When a girl like me who is creative, smart, and intelligent is sitting in a temp agency's office that is asking her to alphabetize words, she starts to feel that her intelligence is being insulted. Why did I even go to college?! I didn't get a BACHELOR'S degree so I could re-learn the alphabet! Then, when I'm sitting in the waiting room to get food stamps, and all the people around me look on the verge of being homeless or having their 10th child, I start to think, This is not where I belong. How did I end up here? What's even more sad is that I actually qualified for food stamps. It can only get better from here, right? I was told that God sees our circumstances in a different light than we do, and...

God has been so gracious with me lately. My sponsor and I have been working through a lot of heart matters, and she assigned me to find my identity in Christ through verses. Recovery has been an intense process, peeling back layers of hurt, resentment, regret, and fear. It's been a humbling experience. It's not easy to share my deep, dark secrets with somebody, much less a person who originally knew nothing about me. I didn't realize how much of the past I was holding onto and how much it was affecting my present. God has redeemed me in so many ways, and His work isn't done. One of the scriptures I found helps me to know that God is always with me, fighting my battles for me. I don't have to do this all alone. I don't have the strength to anyhow. Here is what the Bible says: Do not be afraid! Don't be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God's. Tomorrow, march out against them... but you will not even need to fight. Take you...

In light of my New Years Resolution to get back on the road again, I think my first and foremost necessary goal for 2011 is to put God first. It baffles me how many times I forget to do this when the going gets tough. I tend to seek help from others and even myself, searching for any kind of good advice or words of wisdom from the sages, rather than go to the Ultimate Wise One who has the only true words that will satisfy me and lead me in the right direction. Lately, I've been confused and hopeless on the direction of my career. My financial situation in Austin has been quite a struggle, and it seems I just can't get both feet on the ground. I have interviewed for two jobs that I really wanted, and both have turned out unavailable to me. This also happened when I first graduated college, and I ended up getting to travel through Europe and found a job when I got back, so I've learned to trust God in these instances. But sometimes, my faith isn't so strong. Like today. T...

As we approach the end of 2010, I like to reflect on the changes made in the past year and talk about my resolution for next year. My resolution for this past year was more of a list rather, and here it is in all it's entirety: apply to grad school take control of my life think more positively live for God's purpose and not my own define myself by how God views me and not how others view me don't take things so personally trust God more be happier forgive more be easier to get along with I have to say, I think I did a good job of accomplishing most of my goals on this list. I didn't accomplish #1, but that's what 2011 will be dedicated to. And for #2, I allowed God to take control of my life, rather than trying to control it myself. But #3-10, I feel I accomplished, and that is a good feeling. So now on to 2011... I want 2011 to be dedicated to getting back on the road again... on the road to my dreams, goals, and ultimately, to myself. In 2005, I took a long detour...

In your darkest moments, find the light and turn to it. This is something I've had to instill in me this past year. I've really had to learn how to take control of my thoughts and how I feel about myself and to stop being so negative. I can get myself down on just one negative thought after another, and I don't even notice that I'm doing it until I'm already in this depressive state and can't get myself out of it. It's like digging a deep dark pit for myself, and by the time I realize I'm doing it, I'm at the bottom of the pit. But I've learned in the past year how to climb out of the pit without the help of others. It's difficult, but it can be done. After all I've been through and all I've overcome, I have no reason not to feel good about myself. But sometimes, I still get low and moody and tear myself apart. There's no reason for this. And so that's why I have set out to treat myself right and stop abusing my emotions. I ...

So life has been so crazy that I almost forgot to blog. Actually, I've been avoiding the ole blog because I really didn't want to talk about what was going on, which is alot of CRAP! Anyway... Alot has been going on. God has been testing me. But... it's all good. I got a job. A temporary job for the holidays, so I'll be kept busy. I need it. A good managerial job to keep me responsible and busy. Seriously though, the past week has been rough. There have been good times, mind you, but emotionally, things have been tough with my family. Through my Recovery group, I've been learning to deal with conflict differently than how I learned in my family, and going back to a family that still practices bad habits is not good for someone recovering from those things. Talk about high stress. So I've been in a lot of deep sorrow, anger, depression, you name it. I just thank GOD that I have the geographical distance from my family, and I have an amazing group of friends here...

Lately I've been aching for familiarity. It's been awhile since I've been home- 6 weeks. It doesn't sound like a long time, but I usually go home every 4 weeks, so I'm finding myself a little homesick. I took a walk throughout the mall, and every time I go to the mall, I get nostalgic because it reminds of my Express days, when I had more sense of direction and more financial stability, when things were alot easier and I had work friends to see everyday. Sometimes I wonder why I ever left because I have struggled so much for the past year, but I know that if I had stayed, I would have made a very large mistake. God takes us where He needs us to go. So my nostalgia really got me questioning my current life, where I'm going, where I've been, and where I want to go. I don't think I've ever been more confused in my life. I've been doing alot of changing and alot of growing, alot of questioning and re-evaluating. And I have to say, it's mind-numb...

It seems so much longer than a year since I moved to Austin. I have changed so much that it seems I have aged five years, both in maturity and in weariness. I first came here open and vulnerable to new experiences, ready to take on the city and show them what I had, though I wasn't quite brave enough to really do that. I had a host of dependencies that I was carrying with me that wouldn't let me walk on my own. I had hangups that I was still harboring in my heart and false perceptions that would eventually carry themselves to the surface, only to be scrutinized, condemned, and then changed. For the first few months, I was very hurt, confused, and disappointed at what I would find in my new life. I longed to go back to my old life, to find my dreams again, to grasp tightly to those things I so dearly depended on for my security. It wouldn't be long before I would be wiped clean of everything I clinged to and set on a different path that I was not familiar with. I had to beco...

I think some good things have happened to me in Austin. It has not been easy, by far. It has been extremely disheartening and eye-opening. God has brought me to my knees time and time again, crying and begging Him to make the pain stop, but He has pushed me through each time. He has not delivered me from my circumstances like I beg Him to because I have oh-so-much to learn from them, and how detrimental it would be if He let me off the hook too easily. It is God's tough love that is allowing me to grow to be a much better, stronger person. I cannot be bitter for that. The lessons I have learned here couldn't have been learned any other way. I had to go through these hard times in order to learn everything there was to learn. I can't believe how immature and dependent I was when I still lived in Houston. I was still a child. I now feel more like an adult. I wanted to grow; I wanted to learn. That is why I came here in the first place. I was sick of the status ...