Journey of a Thousand Miles

Well today I'm going skydiving, and this marks a huge goal off my bucket list. I decided to make the jump a little more symbolic for me, like taking a huge leap into a new life, leaving the past behind me. Jumping into freedom, I guess. I took some time this morning to look back on old posts, and I've seen alot of change in me over the past 2 years. Can you believe it's been 2 years since I moved to Austin? My, how time flies. Sometimes I wonder if I should go back home to my family who I miss oh-so-much. But there's some things here that I know I would miss. I've been blessed with a great job that I enjoy going to, and I have friends here that I don't want to leave behind. Not to mention my church, but I also have a church in Houston that I love as well. I'm just wondering if I would "fit-in" in Houston. Every time I go there, it seems so different now. And I've changed so much that I wonder if I would belong there at all. Sometimes I think th...

Wow.... my resume needed some major tweaking. I have spent the majority of this morning refreshing my resume, looking into unemployment, and contacting my temp agency. I feel more proactive about my job search this time around. I want to do it differently than last time in the sense that I will depend more on God with where He wants me. I know He will lead me where I need to be, and it makes the job search a lot easier. I am also more willing to put in some effort this time because the more I work and search for jobs, the faster this process will go, and the more liable I will find a job that works for me. I am a little more hopeful this time around because I know God will provide, and I know all this is happening for a very special reason. What that reason is, I don't know at this point. But I am putting a lot of energy into praying over this process, and I hope my friends do as well. I have found several jobs in my search that I would love to do, but don't seem qualified. And...

I guess now that I'm unemployed, I have plenty of time to update this sucker. Life was pretty busy there for awhile, but now I've got all the time in the world to figure out what my next step may be. I am grateful for the friends I made in my last job and the stability God gave me for those short two months. But here we are back at Square One, and this time I am more prepared for it and more faithful for what's to come. A lot of people keep asking me what I want to do next, and my answer for that is "I don't really know." It would be nice if somebody could tell me, but I know the only One who can tell me what to do with my life is my Father. I keep asking Him for a neon sign, but it seems He works more with subtleties. I feel that I am at the age where I should start doing what I really want to do and stop limiting myself with my fears. I have nothing at this point holding me back: no relationship, no mortgage, no children, no car note. I have complete freed...

One of the resolutions on my long list this year is to take my time. I never realized how much time I wasted on pointless activities until I tried to sit down and do the meaningful activities, and I got restless. I have a hard time focusing on the things I really want to do because I get overwhelmed. And what do I do when I get overwhelmed? I do what's easy: procrastinate. Get on facebook. Check my email for the umpteenth time. It's tireless, and it gets me nowhere to reaching my goals. For the past 4 days, I've been sick and stuck in my apartment. I'm a person who gets cabin fever very easily, so this was hard for me. For hours, I would read books, get on the Internet, sleep, then start all over. After the 3rd day, I got sick of the internet and the same self-help books and decided I needed to change something. I felt like I was wasting my time and not getting anywhere towards my goals this year. How often do I sit down and try to write a song on guitar, or learn to pl...

As we approach the end of 2010, I like to reflect on the changes made in the past year and talk about my resolution for next year. My resolution for this past year was more of a list rather, and here it is in all it's entirety: apply to grad school take control of my life think more positively live for God's purpose and not my own define myself by how God views me and not how others view me don't take things so personally trust God more be happier forgive more be easier to get along with I have to say, I think I did a good job of accomplishing most of my goals on this list. I didn't accomplish #1, but that's what 2011 will be dedicated to. And for #2, I allowed God to take control of my life, rather than trying to control it myself. But #3-10, I feel I accomplished, and that is a good feeling. So now on to 2011... I want 2011 to be dedicated to getting back on the road again... on the road to my dreams, goals, and ultimately, to myself. In 2005, I took a long detour...

My oh my, how God works in mysterious ways. God has a way of convicting me in my most downtrodden moments. Earlier, I posted a blog while I was in that moment, while I felt lost and confused. And then after I posted, God brought me a message that convicted my heart... I stumbled upon a sermon podcast that my church did in January. For some reason, I'd never heard the sermon before, and in some strange way, God led me to listen to it today... the one day it really pertained to me. Basically, the sermon was about the Israelites while they were in the wilderness. They had been exiled from their slavery in Egypt, and they came upon the Promised Land, only to find that there were giants. God had brought them all that way, and now He wasn't keeping His promises. They wanted to go back to Egypt. Back to their slavery. Back to familiar. God killed some of the Israelites in the wilderness because of their unbelief. They did not get to see the Promised Land. Austin was supposed to be m...

Lately I've been aching for familiarity. It's been awhile since I've been home- 6 weeks. It doesn't sound like a long time, but I usually go home every 4 weeks, so I'm finding myself a little homesick. I took a walk throughout the mall, and every time I go to the mall, I get nostalgic because it reminds of my Express days, when I had more sense of direction and more financial stability, when things were alot easier and I had work friends to see everyday. Sometimes I wonder why I ever left because I have struggled so much for the past year, but I know that if I had stayed, I would have made a very large mistake. God takes us where He needs us to go. So my nostalgia really got me questioning my current life, where I'm going, where I've been, and where I want to go. I don't think I've ever been more confused in my life. I've been doing alot of changing and alot of growing, alot of questioning and re-evaluating. And I have to say, it's mind-numb...

It's late at night, and I don't even know if I'll post this blog, but I just want to seize this moment and reflect on some things. I'm really lucky. I'm lucky where I'm at in my life right now. I'm lucky that I'm taken care of, even though I have no job. I'm lucky that I'm able to pursue my passions and still have money to pay the bills. I'm lucky to be living in a very beautiful city, even though I left my family behind. I'm lucky to have such a supportive family. I'm lucky that God directed me to where I am today and didn't leave me in the flux I was in. I can only imagine what kind of person I would have been had I never left my comfort zone of Houston. I don't even want to think about it because I know she wouldn't have been happy. She would always be wondering 'what if?' But I don't have to wonder that because I did it. I moved out; I struck out on my own, just like I promised I would. And I am still on ...

It seems so much longer than a year since I moved to Austin. I have changed so much that it seems I have aged five years, both in maturity and in weariness. I first came here open and vulnerable to new experiences, ready to take on the city and show them what I had, though I wasn't quite brave enough to really do that. I had a host of dependencies that I was carrying with me that wouldn't let me walk on my own. I had hangups that I was still harboring in my heart and false perceptions that would eventually carry themselves to the surface, only to be scrutinized, condemned, and then changed. For the first few months, I was very hurt, confused, and disappointed at what I would find in my new life. I longed to go back to my old life, to find my dreams again, to grasp tightly to those things I so dearly depended on for my security. It wouldn't be long before I would be wiped clean of everything I clinged to and set on a different path that I was not familiar with. I had to beco...

A challenge that I have had to face in my life is letting my circumstances get the best of me. It's hard to see the light when you're focused on the darkness. I know what kind of life I want, and I won't give up until I get there, but sometimes it's so easy to give up when it doesn't look like things are going to change, when everything around me is just same-old, same-old not where I want to be. I know we are called to be grateful for what we have, but what if what we have is bringing us down and stealing our soul away? I know that changing my life starts with changing myself, but it becomes all-too-easy to follow the familiar path when things get a little risky. This is another challenge I have had to face in my life. I'm trying to learn to take more risks to get the life I want. It takes one step at a time. It takes jumping in the pool instead of wading in the waters. It took a huge leap of faith to move to Austin. But I soon learned that until I changed w...

I think some good things have happened to me in Austin. It has not been easy, by far. It has been extremely disheartening and eye-opening. God has brought me to my knees time and time again, crying and begging Him to make the pain stop, but He has pushed me through each time. He has not delivered me from my circumstances like I beg Him to because I have oh-so-much to learn from them, and how detrimental it would be if He let me off the hook too easily. It is God's tough love that is allowing me to grow to be a much better, stronger person. I cannot be bitter for that. The lessons I have learned here couldn't have been learned any other way. I had to go through these hard times in order to learn everything there was to learn. I can't believe how immature and dependent I was when I still lived in Houston. I was still a child. I now feel more like an adult. I wanted to grow; I wanted to learn. That is why I came here in the first place. I was sick of the status ...

Written May 21, 2008, Wed. So I'm going through one of those moments where I'm struggling with what I want to do with my life. The Houston humidity is reminding me of how much I don't want to be here and how much I wish I were somewhere else doing something else. I don't want to work in the fashion industry anymore, which means my degree is a waste (so I'm pretty pissed about that), and the things I want to do seem so far out of reach and unattainable that I almost don't even want to try. But there is a saying that makes me not want to give up: "The important thing is not being afraid to take a chance. Remember, the greatest failure is to not try. Once you find something you love to do, be the best at doing it." Here's another good one: "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." So I've been pondering on whether or not I should go back...