Journey of a Thousand Miles

I've been studying through the book of Numbers where the Israelites are scoping out the Promised Land to see what it's all about, and they see how rich it is, but they also see GIANTS! Caleb is the only one who wants to conquer the giants, but the rest of the Israelites are scared, and they'd rather go back to Egypt. I find it strange that instead of conquering their fears, they would rather go back to slavery. Why would you want to go back to being a slave when you have the Promised Land right in front of you? Then I realize that I'VE DONE THE SAME THING! I mean, how many times have I cowered out of fear and returned to familiarity instead of taking a leap of faith towards a dream? From the outside, it may seem like I'm a courageous person because I'm recording an album, but there are SO MANY TIMES when I have chosen the safer route instead of trusting God's promises. God had PROMISED the Israelites that they would take this land. And yet, THEY WERE S...

In light of my New Years Resolution to get back on the road again, I think my first and foremost necessary goal for 2011 is to put God first. It baffles me how many times I forget to do this when the going gets tough. I tend to seek help from others and even myself, searching for any kind of good advice or words of wisdom from the sages, rather than go to the Ultimate Wise One who has the only true words that will satisfy me and lead me in the right direction. Lately, I've been confused and hopeless on the direction of my career. My financial situation in Austin has been quite a struggle, and it seems I just can't get both feet on the ground. I have interviewed for two jobs that I really wanted, and both have turned out unavailable to me. This also happened when I first graduated college, and I ended up getting to travel through Europe and found a job when I got back, so I've learned to trust God in these instances. But sometimes, my faith isn't so strong. Like today. T...

My oh my, how God works in mysterious ways. God has a way of convicting me in my most downtrodden moments. Earlier, I posted a blog while I was in that moment, while I felt lost and confused. And then after I posted, God brought me a message that convicted my heart... I stumbled upon a sermon podcast that my church did in January. For some reason, I'd never heard the sermon before, and in some strange way, God led me to listen to it today... the one day it really pertained to me. Basically, the sermon was about the Israelites while they were in the wilderness. They had been exiled from their slavery in Egypt, and they came upon the Promised Land, only to find that there were giants. God had brought them all that way, and now He wasn't keeping His promises. They wanted to go back to Egypt. Back to their slavery. Back to familiar. God killed some of the Israelites in the wilderness because of their unbelief. They did not get to see the Promised Land. Austin was supposed to be m...

I think my life is on a good track. I have found healing in these past few months that I've been away from home. I have found healing in a new relationship that focuses on God, rather than selfish desires. I have found healing by dating a guy who is not manipulative but who cares enough about me to wait for certain things, rather than fulfill his instant gratification. I have found healing knowing that I am worth the wait, that I am beautiful just as I am, that I am talented and smart. I have found healing in godly friends who care about me enough to pray for me and listen to my problems and be honest about their own, rather than condemn me for mine and pretend they're perfect. I have found healing in distancing myself from certain people, certain environments. I have discovered a newfound hope for my life and myself. For awhile, I gave up, thinking that I could never do this or that because so many bad things have happened in my life. But I am starting to believe again. Beli...

I think some good things have happened to me in Austin. It has not been easy, by far. It has been extremely disheartening and eye-opening. God has brought me to my knees time and time again, crying and begging Him to make the pain stop, but He has pushed me through each time. He has not delivered me from my circumstances like I beg Him to because I have oh-so-much to learn from them, and how detrimental it would be if He let me off the hook too easily. It is God's tough love that is allowing me to grow to be a much better, stronger person. I cannot be bitter for that. The lessons I have learned here couldn't have been learned any other way. I had to go through these hard times in order to learn everything there was to learn. I can't believe how immature and dependent I was when I still lived in Houston. I was still a child. I now feel more like an adult. I wanted to grow; I wanted to learn. That is why I came here in the first place. I was sick of the status ...

So things are finally packed and ready for me, and I'm getting a little antsy about my big move to Austin. My fears are looming largely in front of me, and I'm having to take one step at a time through that huge Wall of Fear. My home doesn't feel like home anymore, and everything around me is just a blur. I'm letting go. It feels weird because I know my life is changing drastically, which means I'm changing drastically. There are so many people and new friends I'm letting go of, and it's scary.  One thing I want to do in Austin is figure out which career route is ultimately right for me. I think I've narrowed it down to writing. I want to pursue all my dreams when I get there, which I know will be hard when I'm trying to make a living- and find time to do what I love. It'll be difficult, but it'll also be worth it. I was in a lull in Houston. I was just waiting for life to happen, and it just kept waiting for me to make it happen. So I got ...