Journey of a Thousand Miles

“Life only has meaning/I only have worth if… I have power and influence over others.” (Power Idolatry) I am loved and respected by _____.” (Approval Idolatry) I have this kind of pleasure experience, a particular quality of life.” (Comfort idolatry) I am able to get mastery over my life in the area of _____.” (Control idolatry) people are dependent on me and need me.” (Helping Idolatry) someone is there to protect me and keep me safe.” (Dependence idolatry) I am completely free from obligations or responsibilities to take care of someone.” (Independence idolatry) I am highly productive and getting a lot done.” (Work idolatry) I am being recognized for my accomplishments, and I am excelling in my work.” (Achievement idolatry) I have a certain level of wealth, financial freedom, and very nice possessions.” (Materialism idolatry) I am adhering to my religion’s moral codes and accomplished in its activities.” (Religion idolatry) This one person is in my life and happy to be t...

The reason a relationship feels difficult is that the person has become the living embodiment of the voices in your head. She taps into insecurities already roosting within. Her lack of approval or validation triggers a chorus line of inner complaint- it disturbs the little girl in you who uses any excuse to remind you what she deeply believes: If you were just smarter, thinner, prettier, holier or at least a better mother... you'd feel like Somebody. You'd meet with more applause. Your parking ticket would be stamped, and then you could make your way onto the freeway of life with all the other grown-ups. That may sound a bit strong. But honestly, when you peel back the layers of a person you find difficult to love- of a relationship that feels intolerable- this is the white noise in the background of your soul. It's true for all of us. We can be paralyzed by the power we give someone to name us. For a long time, the human tendency is to try harder- to perform o...

People-pleasers, so dependent on being approved and accepted by others, are incapable of validating themselves independent of others’ confirmation. The longing to feel secure, prompting behaviors of compliance and conformity, necessarily had to prevail over the not-quite-so powerful yearning to hold onto their true selves. When people-pleasers grow up, they do so with a fully crystallized program to be good enough they must comply with the wishes and demands of others. As with so many other personality dysfunctions, they're unable to validate themselves from within so must depend on others to confirm their value from without. Not having developed any sense that they're inherently worth caring for--i.e., lovable for themselves --they strive to make themselves lovable by becoming for others whatever they think might be wanted from them. It is a resentment that over time has accumulated so much mass that inevitably it's begun to leak out in the form of passive-ag...

Happy New Year everybody!!! I hope you are all ready to maintain your resolutions this year because I know I am. I have a heavy plate to fill, so there's no time to waste in past regrets and what not. I have a desk calendar that has daily prayers for emotional wholeness, and January 1st really touched on something that I struggle with and want to overcome this year, and I will share with you what it said: God's purpose for our lives is to make us whole- which is the way He created us to be- and then to work through us for His glory as we surrender our lives to Him. Emotional wholeness means living without negative emotions and having peace about who you are and where your life is headed. When we pray to God, we are spending time in His presence. And in His presence is where we find healing from the pain of our past. Prayer draws us closer to God, where we can get a vision for our future and better understand our purpose. The theme that sticks out to me here is wholeness, and th...

I am starting to understand what it really means to recklessly abandon myself to Jesus. This was always a hard notion for me because I was still holding onto worldly things to give me happiness, stability, and fulfillment. I looked for satisfaction in my boyfriends, friends, career, and dreams. I learned the hard way that all these things will disappoint me because they are imperfect and can be taken away. Isn't it great that we have a perfect and complete God that will never disappear? He is the only solid ground with which to stand on. I constantly struggle with a need for approval and validation, and I try to find it from people, but people can never complete me. Only God can provide me true completeness. When I dedicate myself to surrendering all I have to Him, that's when I begin to find the approval and validation I so desperately need. All our sin stems from this desire: to feel complete. We try to find it in the wrong things, and it causes us to stumble because these th...