Journey of a Thousand Miles

It's been awhile. I've been busy writing new music for the album, getting into a regular exercise regime, staying focused at work, and working through spiritual issues. I recently borrowed a book from a friend called "Rejection," and it talks about the spiritual side of rejection and why we feel it. Interesting stuff. It says that an evil spirit can enter a baby in the womb and manifest itself throughout that person's life. The spirit of rejection can move through several generations, and it's passed down to you through your family line. I know. Intense stuff! So I've been praying for God to remove this spirit from my life so I can get on with living, and it's a lot harder than you would think. Rejection can attach to you deep into your soul, and it takes some digging to get it out. But I don't want to live with it anymore, so I am grabbing my spiritual shovel and getting that sucker out. I want to live a good life without this fear hangi...

Never marry for mercy. Don't marry for fear of hurting someone. It is NOT SELFISH to want to make a wise marital choice. Why should your children suffer from you not choosing the right father? It's not your life to give away. You need to think of the best stewardship of what God has given you. Why would you give it up for a pity marriage? Being tired of being single is NOT a good reason to get married. It's better to wait and make a wise choice. Sometimes the best way to find a good marital match is to end a bad dating match. Marrying well is a good witness to the world.

Going outside of God's will is a disaster. It is God's will to be sanctified, to avoid sexual immorality. Sexual ability is not what brings a marriage down. Your first priority is to marry a godly spouse. The same God who tells a girlfriend to say no to having sex with her boyfriend is the same God who tells a wife to say yes to having sex with her spouse. Guys, you want a girlfriend who will displease you to please God. If they don't obey God BEFORE marriage, they won't obey God AFTER marriage. If they can't sacrifice for a couple years of dating, they're not worth a lifetime of marriage. You're not obligated to carry someone else's sexual baggage. But once you marry them, you have to forgive their past and let it go. When you marry a godly person, there's forgiveness and grace. A person who's a giver and not a taker will figure out how to please you. You don't need to "try it out" before you buy it.

Marriage is a difficult pursuit. You might have to put in some effort or change something. Let it be a passionate pursuit. We can actively pursue a spouse; we don't have to sit back and wait passively for a spouse to come along. Search intentionally for a spouse. Seeking a spouse is not idolization. You may have to show interest in a guy for him to step up and ask you out. He needs to show SOME ability to pursue. Don't marry a passive man. Make yourself more marriageable. Where do I need to grow as a person? Spend what it takes, whether that's counseling or other resources.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say we have a "soulmate" or have to find "the One." Marriage isn't to be an idol to complete ourselves. Marriage shouldn't compete with God. Beauty is fleeting. Find someone who is set on pleasing the Lord. We are free to marry anyone we wish, only in the Lord. The choice to get married and who we marry is up to us. Rather than seeking a soulmate, seek a sole mate. A man who doesn't love God is limited in his ability to love you. You need a man who is controlled by the Holy Spirit. We need to marry someone who knows how to forgive. Don't try to 2nd guess God's design.

You can't possibly know the circumstances you're going to face in your future marriage. You can choose who you face those trials with. A good marital choice is a gift that keeps on giving. A foolish and ill-considered marital choice is a bad investment. You will always face the consequences. Marriage should lift 2 people up to be better than they could be as singles. Listen to the words of Jesus when choosing a mate. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. God has our best interests at heart. 3 Wrong Reasons to Get Married Sexual chemistry Romantic infatuation Relational compatibility These don't keep a marriage going. Being in love with someone isn't a good enough reason to get married. Infatuation doesn't last. It leads to idealization. You are infatuated with a person that doesn't exist. "He's not who I thought he was." Infatuation has never sustained a single marriage. It's more about WHY you marry than ...

I used to find my security in what people thought of me. It made me afraid to screw up, afraid to say the wrong thing, afraid of humiliation or rejection. Basically, I was scared alot, and it left me feeling isolated and disconnected from people. But "God's perfect love casts out all fear." That's right, I don't have to be afraid, and you don't either. We think it's wrong to feel good about ourselves, like we are being arrogant or conceited, but there is nothing righteous about feeling insecure. It takes away who God made us to be. He calls us to be secure in His identity of us. It is okay to feel secure and confident in yourself.  It doesn't make you selfish as some folks would have you believe. God made you in His image. He made you to be beautiful and confident and good . Satan will tell you lies, like "you're not good enough" or "you're damaged goods," but these are simply not true. It's easy to get caugh...

I would just like to be truly open about what's going on in my life. At 29, I still struggle with insecurity. I still struggle with comparing myself, not trusting God, and feeling inadequate. I have struggled with these things for as long as I can remember, and although I hoped I would be done with these struggles by now, I am thankful because they remind me of where my true worth comes from: the Lord. It's only when I forget this and start looking to the world to define me that I lose focus on who I truly am. I've decided to focus these next couple of weeks (months, years) on becoming a confident woman in Christ. My focus tends to bend towards my own negative thoughts most of the time, and I've grown tired of that. So I'm changing my focus one day at a time. Today I'd like to talk about unconditional love. At first, the thought of this made me want to roll my eyes. Maybe I don't believe in unconditional love? Maybe it's such an overused cliche that ...

I think the hardest thing for a single in their late twenties is to not envy those in strong relationships with people they love. Any time I see another engagement on Facebook, it is another reminder of God's delayed promises. Recently, my cousin became engaged (who is younger than I), and my first reaction was envy and a little bit of anger towards God for not providing the same way He has provided for others. After checking my heart, I realized this was not loving towards my cousin, and there is no reason to feel this way because I am not lacking- God has provided sufficiently for my life, and I need to recognize His blessings. These things will not end after attaining a spouse. There will always be something to covet- somebody's house, their children, their income, etc., so it's best to check this heart matter at the door and leave it there. Plus, people are aware when others are not happy for their successes, and it greatly impacts a relationship when one feels they are...

There's nothing better than focusing on the positive qualities of others. I loved this little exercise because it reminded me of why I love my friends around me and what originally drew me towards them in the first place. It's easy to start focusing on the negative things when you've been hurt several times, but after awhile, you start to forget who they really are, and it can only lead to devaluation and hate. This exercise allowed me to see that even the people I resent still have good qualities about them, and they are only human after all. Knowing that I have failed and am in dire need of redemption, it allowed me to make room for grace and let others be human. We could all use a little more grace. "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..." Romans 3:23 If any of you have been following along, what have you learned so far and how has The Love Dare changed your relationships? I know it has already changed my perspective on how I relate to other...

I tried to write this blog sooner, but life keeps getting in the way. It's been busy with the WDP back in session, trying to raise support for a mission trip, trying to accomplish my other goals, and balancing work and a social life. Wow... no wonder irritability can creep in at moments. There are several roots behind irritability: lust, bitterness, greed, pride, stress, etc. I know mine come from a need for attention or validation, to feel loved by those around me, hence my last blog. When I'm searching for my identity in others rather than Christ, it is the breeding ground for all kinds of emotional instability and wrong motives. I have to remind myself in each moment that my love comes from God, that He loves me no matter what. Sometimes it's difficult to remember this when people are more tangible than God. I can write a book on this subject, but let's get a move on. Day 7- Love believes the best . Today’s Dare For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper. On the f...

So after a week of practicing the Love Dare, I have come to realize that it all boils down to this: We are perfectly loved and accepted just as God created us to be. It's only when we don't accept this Truth that we start to become irritable, enraged, angry, and defensive. It's the reason we get frustrated when people don't listen to us, when we feel replaced or rejected, when we don't get the attention or recognition we desire, or when relationships don't turn out how we'd hoped. All of these are small messages that seep into our mind and spread the same lie: you are not loved . People cannot give us the validation that only God can give us, so it would bode us well if we stopped expecting them to and turned our sole attention to God. For it is through Him that we get all capacity to love, forgive, have compassion, mercy, and grace, and all things good. How do we expect to love others if we don't first accept the love of God into our hearts?...

This dare wasn't that hard for me. I think most of the spiteful things I say are out of fun and not to hurt others. There are other times, however, when I am irritable and rude words might come out, or some form of passive-aggression, and those are intended to control others' behavior. I have learned that controlling others is in vain and completely futile. Not only that, but it is irritating to be on the receiving end of a controlling person, so why inflict that on somebody else? All we can do is focus on fixing ourselves and learn to love others, despite their faults. Saying rude things will not make them change; in fact, anything hateful will only produce more hate. Speaking of, Day 6- Love is not irritable . This will probably be the hardest for me thus far. People can be downright irritating sometimes. They can be difficult to get along with, hard to please, untrustworthy, project their problems onto us, don't meet our expectations, don't always accept us or see ...

So initiating social engagements is not normally my forte. I am a naturally independent soul who can spend all day alone without giving a second thought to calling or texting somebody. It usually takes deep loneliness for me to finally reach out, and even then, I have a tendency to wallow in my pain without contacting somebody for moral support. I rather enjoyed this dare because it showed me how easy and fun it is to be the initiator, if only to say hi and let someone know I'm thinking about them. It is strengthening to a bond when the other person knows that you care, and it forces me to get out of my own head. What a relief! Moving along to Day 5- Love is not rude . Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around. To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating. Rude behavior may seem insignificant to the person doing it, but it’s unpleasant to those on the receiving end. Test yourself with these questions: ...

Sometimes listening attentively is the best gift you can give others, and that's what I set out to do with my accountability partners last night. It's easy to get frustrated when others aren't listening, and when you stick three women together, there's bound to be many interruptions and lack of listening. I made it a point to listen attentively and not get angry, even if I couldn't finish a statement without being interrupted a thousand times (which I was). And you know what? I walked away feeling refreshed, fulfilled, and connected. I get tired of thinking about myself all the time. When we are so focused on ourselves, it's easy to get down. But when we start giving to others unselfishly, all that depression and loneliness magically strips away. God is the only one who is meant to fulfill us in the first place, so if other people aren't doing "their job" of satisfying our needs, well it wasn't really their job in the first place. On to Day ...

What better day to show kindness in love that on Valentine's Day?!!! I chose to do this dare with my very own roommate by making her a handcrafted Valentine Card (with handmade confetti hearts!), and she totally loved it. It felt good to make someone else happy, and doing something nice for others forces one to think outside of ourselves, which is what makes the world go round. I'm startin' to dig this whole Love Dare thing. :) Moving along to Day 3- Love is not selfish . Here's a few snippets from the article: You either make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself. You can’t be acting out of real love and selfishness at the same time. Ask yourself these questions: • Do I truly want what’s best for those around me? • Do I want them to feel loved by me? • Do they believe I have their best interests in mind? • Do they see me as looking out for myself first? Those are some good questions to ask ourselves. As for myself, I think I am more worried about h...

My friend Nicole always tells me that love is our most natural state, and any time we think a negative thought about another person, we are throwing ourselves off balance and moving further away from our most authentic self. The love dare for Day 1 wasn't particularly that difficult for me, since I try my best not to say negative things to people (other than occasionally teasing someone out of fun). On the other hand, it is extremely difficult for me to not think a negative thought. Usually upon waking up, my thoughts begin flooding me immediately and can go from zero to negative in a matter of seconds. It's important to have verses of Truth to counter them with because it can easily wear on one's mood if you don't. So instead of "biting my tongue," I decided to "bite my thoughts." There is that occasional moment, however, when I am stuck in a situation with a difficult person and want to defend myself or spout off something spiteful, so in those m...

Some of you may have heard of the book The Love Dare , which comes from the movie Fireproof about marriage. I wrote a blog on this awhile back, but only today did I finally pick up the book and start skimming through it. I was originally perusing it for a friend who is struggling through a marriage, but as I started reading it, I realized that the advice it gives is great for anyone who deals with people on a daily basis (which is everyone, of course, except for hermits and gamers who live in their mother's basements). In light of Valentine's Day, I am going to embark on this little Love Dare journey with the people around me. If you want to do the Love Dare with me, you can find it for free on this website . I encourage you to read through it because it has some powerful stuff about love in there that can apply to anyone, not just a significant other. If you feel that any relationships in your life are struggling, dare to do the dare with me. Maybe in 40 days, you'll s...

It's been awhile, old friend. What's going through my head these days? Well... lately I've been feeling God preparing me for the ominous life stage of marriage (dun dun DUN). I've been reading articles on the Boundless website and recently watched Fireproof . They both have been apt to show me the not-so-glamorous side of marriage. I will admit, I still dream of marriage being sort of magical, coming home to the man of my dreams everyday, traveling together, having a family together. In my head, it looks like an image of something you'd see in a snow globe or a Thomas Kinkade painting, but Lord knows this is not what reality looks like. Oh, how I wish it could be. I know that marriage won't be perfect, but am I prepared to deal with the realities of matrimony? The melding together of two separate people for the rest of our lives, the sharing of everything , the stress of finding a home, paying the mortgage, raising children?!!! I hadn't thought of how diffi...

Let's talk about a matter that I have avoided for quite some time, only because I really hate talking about it. Not only do I hate talking or thinking about it, but I hate reminding myself of the fact that I am in this predicament, despite my yearnings and prayers to God. And the topic I am speaking of today is... [drumroll please]... the art of being single. It seems to me that this is the age I should be settling down or dating someone or getting married or planning a wedding. Most singles my age have already spruced up their eHarmony profiles or been set up on blind dates by sympathetic friends. Others take to the bar or club and hop on the next wagon that takes them home. It seems my method of finding a mate could be seen as ineffective or unproductive, especially since, well... I'm not really searching. I mean, don't get me wrong, I look. But it just hasn't become my main priority, and I'd rather let God do the searching for me. Dating is a scary world out the...