Journey of a Thousand Miles

There was a guy I met at a dance hall that was a pro at swing dancing. Any time I danced with him, he would swing me up in the air, turn me in flips, and throw me around the dance floor as if I'd been dancing for years. The truth is, I knew nothing  about swing dancing, but because he was such a good leader, he made me look like a pro. As long as he guided my every step, and I followed him, I looked as if I'd been dancing for years. Lately, when I've been asking for God's advice, He's been telling me the same thing: "Follow My lead." "God, what should I do about my love life?" Follow My lead.  "God, when should I quit my job?" Follow My lead.  "Father, who should I record my next album with?" Follow My lead.  It was getting frustrating because I felt like I wasn't getting any answers. I'm the type of person who likes to see the whole picture and be prepared for what's coming next. That way, there...

God has been making Himself very known to me today. I watched videos about people who had gone to heaven and come back, and all of them remark about how much God loves us, knows us, and has a plan for us. They said His promises are true and can be trusted. One woman was turned away at the gates of heaven because her purpose wasn't done yet. It made me think of God's purpose for my own life and how there's a reason for everything I have today: my job, my living situation, the people in my life. God has a reason for all of that. And how do I thank Him? I complain. I complain about my job, my salary, my unanswered prayers, and what not, and I can't feel God's presence the way I want to. But He is there. Everything about my life is sovereignly purposed by God, and He will not take us home until our purpose is done here. After listening to these people talk about how beautiful life is and how much God loves us, it made me relax today at work because I realized that...

First off... I can't believe it's already December. Where has all the time gone? So I've been reading a book for the WDP called A Praying Life by Paul E. Miller that I recommend everyone should read. It basically talks about prayer (of course), and it has made my prayers more real with God. I can have a conversation with Him at any point in the day, and I don't have to fake it with Him and pretend that I am okay with His plans. Life is hard, whether single or married, employed or jobless, at home or homesick, living your dreams or struggling to make ends meet. As long as we're on this side of heaven, life is always going to be hard at every stage of life, and I have come to the conclusion that the only way to make it through each day is by prayer. When I am missing my family and feeling alone, I pray. When I don't know what direction to go, I pray. When I am frustrated, angry, stressed, scared, I pray. When I am struggling with being single, I pray. When I wan...

I went to a Bible study with a friend the other day where they give "prophetic" words, which is a symbol or vision from God that is meant to encourage others. Since I was new there, they gave a prophetic word over me, and one of the messages was simply two words: LOVE LIFE. I feel that in the past few months, I've become really happy here in Austin. Despite the fact that I miss my family and long to go back home sometimes, my fate has really turned around here, and all the struggles I endured for two years have finally redeemed themselves. My shattered dreams are starting to resurface, and this time, I am going after them with gusto and with God's support. I know why God allowed those dreams to be shattered in the first place, however. They were an idol in my heart. I had placed all my hope, trust, and identity into fulfilling those dreams, thinking that life would be simple and grand once I reached them. But as soon as I struck out to pursue them, I realized I di...

Sometimes in the stillness of life is when God is doing the most work. I make the mistake of thinking that if I'm not moving and if things aren't coming faster, then I'm not making progress. But this is just not so. Sometimes after the mountains and valleys in our lives, we need to find a plateau, and sometimes God has a great purpose with those plateaus. Since I've moved to Austin, I've learned to slow down substantially. Before, I was constantly striving to achieve, trying to accomplish the next step, move forward fast, fast, fast. But now in my tired old ways, I've become weary and exhausted from running and going, and sometimes I just want to sit and wait out life for awhile. Sometimes I just need a rest. And I got to thinking that maybe God has just as much purpose during our rest points as He does when He sets us a-moving. Maybe in this time, I am building relationships with people who need me, and I them. Maybe He is waiting for the perfect opportunity to...

As we approach the end of 2010, I like to reflect on the changes made in the past year and talk about my resolution for next year. My resolution for this past year was more of a list rather, and here it is in all it's entirety: apply to grad school take control of my life think more positively live for God's purpose and not my own define myself by how God views me and not how others view me don't take things so personally trust God more be happier forgive more be easier to get along with I have to say, I think I did a good job of accomplishing most of my goals on this list. I didn't accomplish #1, but that's what 2011 will be dedicated to. And for #2, I allowed God to take control of my life, rather than trying to control it myself. But #3-10, I feel I accomplished, and that is a good feeling. So now on to 2011... I want 2011 to be dedicated to getting back on the road again... on the road to my dreams, goals, and ultimately, to myself. In 2005, I took a long detour...

In your darkest moments, find the light and turn to it. This is something I've had to instill in me this past year. I've really had to learn how to take control of my thoughts and how I feel about myself and to stop being so negative. I can get myself down on just one negative thought after another, and I don't even notice that I'm doing it until I'm already in this depressive state and can't get myself out of it. It's like digging a deep dark pit for myself, and by the time I realize I'm doing it, I'm at the bottom of the pit. But I've learned in the past year how to climb out of the pit without the help of others. It's difficult, but it can be done. After all I've been through and all I've overcome, I have no reason not to feel good about myself. But sometimes, I still get low and moody and tear myself apart. There's no reason for this. And so that's why I have set out to treat myself right and stop abusing my emotions. I ...

Lately I've been aching for familiarity. It's been awhile since I've been home- 6 weeks. It doesn't sound like a long time, but I usually go home every 4 weeks, so I'm finding myself a little homesick. I took a walk throughout the mall, and every time I go to the mall, I get nostalgic because it reminds of my Express days, when I had more sense of direction and more financial stability, when things were alot easier and I had work friends to see everyday. Sometimes I wonder why I ever left because I have struggled so much for the past year, but I know that if I had stayed, I would have made a very large mistake. God takes us where He needs us to go. So my nostalgia really got me questioning my current life, where I'm going, where I've been, and where I want to go. I don't think I've ever been more confused in my life. I've been doing alot of changing and alot of growing, alot of questioning and re-evaluating. And I have to say, it's mind-numb...

I prayed for God to give me what I need, and He delivered. Sometimes what we need isn't always what we want, but in the long run it is always better. I always learn things the best in hindsight. There have been many times in my life where I didn't get what I wanted, or maybe I did, and it didn't turn out exactly as I planned. But somehow, things worked out in a way that I got exactly what I needed, and sometimes that is a swift kick in the pants. I know that's how things panned out for me. I experienced this dilemma when I first graduated college and started looking for a job. I knew what I wanted but not what I needed. I kept praying "God, please give me this job. I need this job," but God had a better plan. I went a few months without a job when I first got my degree. I was living at home with my parents, my loans were coming in demanding to be paid, and still no income. I had big dreams of what I wanted to accomplish in my life, and it seemed that...

I haven't updated this in awhile it seems. Alot has gone on in my life here in Austin. I am now in a relationship- my first boyfriend in 5 years- and it's a big, scary step for me because I'm unsure about being committed. There's alot of reasons for that, which I won't get into today. There are certain things I like about my life here and some things I detest. I won't get into that much today either. But I do want to talk about what God has done in my life here lately. The sermon yesterday talked about how we are exactly where God wants us to be, even if we hate it, and that really changed my perspective on my job because I absolutely hate it! There is a purpose behind my shitty job, my new relationship, my being in Austin, and everything else in my life right now, even if it all doesn't work for me. And our responsibility is to just embrace it because God has a purpose behind everything in our lives. I'm still unsure on whether or not I will stay ...

Sooo much has happened (and not happened) in the past two months (I can't believe it's already been 2 months) since I moved to Austin. I am still looking for a full-time job, so pray for me guys. Gap has mentioned a promotion, but we'll see if that happens. If not, then I need to get on the ball and start looking. I've kinda fallen into a mini depression being so away from everything familiar, but I think this is a good experience for me, and I know something good will come out of it. It just takes time. I think I've found a church home in Austin, called the Austin Stone. It is a lively, genuine church with a lot of real, young Christians who are really about Christ and not just fakin' it like alot of other young people. So I really like that about them. Singledom in a new city is sometimes harder to deal with than singledom in a familiar city, even though I have a close friend right by me. Times get tough, and sometimes I would just like a companion to come ho...