Journey of a Thousand Miles

I've been studying through the book of Numbers where the Israelites are scoping out the Promised Land to see what it's all about, and they see how rich it is, but they also see GIANTS! Caleb is the only one who wants to conquer the giants, but the rest of the Israelites are scared, and they'd rather go back to Egypt. I find it strange that instead of conquering their fears, they would rather go back to slavery. Why would you want to go back to being a slave when you have the Promised Land right in front of you? Then I realize that I'VE DONE THE SAME THING! I mean, how many times have I cowered out of fear and returned to familiarity instead of taking a leap of faith towards a dream? From the outside, it may seem like I'm a courageous person because I'm recording an album, but there are SO MANY TIMES when I have chosen the safer route instead of trusting God's promises. God had PROMISED the Israelites that they would take this land. And yet, THEY WERE S...

It's been awhile. I've been busy writing new music for the album, getting into a regular exercise regime, staying focused at work, and working through spiritual issues. I recently borrowed a book from a friend called "Rejection," and it talks about the spiritual side of rejection and why we feel it. Interesting stuff. It says that an evil spirit can enter a baby in the womb and manifest itself throughout that person's life. The spirit of rejection can move through several generations, and it's passed down to you through your family line. I know. Intense stuff! So I've been praying for God to remove this spirit from my life so I can get on with living, and it's a lot harder than you would think. Rejection can attach to you deep into your soul, and it takes some digging to get it out. But I don't want to live with it anymore, so I am grabbing my spiritual shovel and getting that sucker out. I want to live a good life without this fear hangi...

Know what tempts you and why.  Marriage is the sole outlet for sex.  Sexual sin is always destructive in one way or another. (physically, emotionally, spiritually) Sexual sin comes from hearts that reject God. People who refuse to repent grow increasingly perverse and leads to spiritual insanity. It blocks the process of our sanctification.  People who engage in sexual sin disregard God.  Sex outside of marriage is not ok just bc we love someone enough. This is not biblical.  Scripture never validates, "how far can I go before it's sinful?" To ask this question shows a divided heart. An undivided heart asks, "how holy can I be?" We compromise bc the desire for physical intimacy is the most powerful drive we have.  Sexual temptation hits us right in the ego.  What happens if we give in: loss of honor loss of strength and character ongoing physical consequences regret death divine judgment The root of discont...

Prosperity and hard work are correlated If it sounds too good to be true, it is. Get rich schemes don't work. Wealth gained hastily will dwindle. A lack of wealth is actually grace. Don't seek your security in money. God alone deserves our trust. We have no control over our personal security. He uses our sins and mistakes; he brings good out of our folly. Go back to God; His restoring grace waits for you. Let go of your regrets. Get on with what really matters. Ask God to transform you through your mistakes and to bring good out of it.

Bonds can form around sin. Real change doesn't begin with trying harder to not do something sinful. Change starts when we're honest with God that we don't want to try at all. Don't hang with people who indulge in earthly pleasures. Insecurity- if God is not our anchor, we'll find security in people (the wrong people). Friendships like this can't work. Don't make friends with angry people. We are conformed to whatever we focus on. Bad company ruins good morals. Surround yourself with people who bring you closer to God. Spiritually edifying. Not afraid to talk about our sin struggles. Be honest about sin. We need friends who will hold us accountable, not someone who will say our sins are no big deal. Our choices in friendship are a reflection of where we are in God. Taking over someone else's responsibility is more harmful than good. Get unentangled by codependent relationships. Co-dependency = fear of man Unhealthy dependence o...

Foolish- doesn't fear the Lord, doesn't submit to God, feeds on arrogance instead of humility 6 Traits of a Foolish Woman Drawn into worldliness- devotes time and money into appearance, misses the freedom to age gracefully, materialistic and ambitious for worldly success Believes the lie that material blessings can be gained apart from God. The world will always tempt us to go after more stuff.  Hates knowledge- She rationalizes away biblical counsel, lives solely by her emotions, and fulfills her personal desires at any cost. Believes that her way of thinking is always the right way. Refuses to embrace God's ways, to give up a destructive relationship or bad habit. Scoffers never get what they seek. The root of scoffing is pride.  Complacency- ok with a mediocre Christian life. We are always going forward or backwards in the Christian life. We're never sitting still. We can't straddle the fence between the world and God. We may have to give up something to ...

Notes from this podcast: https://www.rightnow.org/Content/Series/149678#2 Worldly wisdom is centered on self. Biblical wisdom is centered on God. Centering on God enables us to enjoy life more. As we live out His principles, we realize that life tends to run more smoothly. As this happens, God is showcased as the All Wise One, and He is glorified. Where does wisdom come from? (Proverbs 9:10) The fear of the Lord What is the fear of the Lord? Recognizing that God is God, and we are not. Humbly bow before Him in trusting submission. Wisdom is the realization that God is everything. How to live wisely: build our lives around God rather than ourselves Proverbs 8:8-9 The trouble is never with scripture; it's always with us. Soak yourself in scripture. It shapes our understanding of life. The guidance we need will come to us easier. Proverbs 8:1-3 We sin because we think the wisest way is the way that will make us happiest. We let our natural passions direct our liv...

Often times in life, we are left in a state of regret. Over things we've done or things we didn't  do. So what's the best solution when there's nothing we can do and life just goes on without us? I've taken to the Bible to get some answers... "Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do:  forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead" (Phil 3:13)   "And we know that for those who love God all things work together  for good,   for  those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)   "'For I know the plans  I have for you,' declares the  Lord , 'plans to prosper  you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" (Jeremiah 29:11) According to scripture, God's got this all under control. That leaves no room for regret. So whether I've done something I wished I hadn't, or wish I had done something differently, God is sove...

We've been studying Genesis 3 in my Development Program, which talks about the Fall of Man, and we had to answer the question of: Why did Eve eat the apple? If you're not familiar with Genesis 3, let's do a little recap: But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. Adam and Eve are living on earth in perfect companionship with God. They have the whole earth to themselves and all the animals and plants they want. And they are naked and not ashamed. And then the s...

So, after my little temper tantrum with God yesterday, I felt much better. I think sometimes it's good to know that I don't always have to be okay with the way things are. In short, it is ok to not be ok. And once we are honest with ourselves and honest with God, He can do a much better work in us. Also, I took the 5 Love Languages Assessment and discovered some interesting findings. With friends, my primary love language is Quality Time , and my secondary was a tie between Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch . And just as I suspected, in a romantic relationship, my primary love language is Physical Touch , and my secondary was a tie between Words of Affirmation and Quality Time . For some reason, I never thought of Words of Affirmation as one of my stronger love languages, but it makes sense, seeing that I constantly need reassurance and am easily harmed by critical remarks. So anyway, I would just like to say that being honest about my feelings of singledom really hel...

Lately I've been stumbling upon the subject of acceptance, and mostly with my past. I feel that if I can make peace with my past and accept it, then I can let go and enjoy the present more. If I can accept that my life didn't go as planned and trust that God's plan was better, then I can enjoy where He has me here and now. If I can accept the low tides as well as the high tides, then I can make peace with the mountains and valleys in my life as well. "You must accept whatever situation the Lord has put you in, and continue on as you were when God first called you. " 1 Corinthians 7:17 How can I find meaning in the low points in my life, in my regrets? I've been fighting battles in my life, and I've overcome most of them. Satan will continue to use my regrets as ammo to turn my victories into defeat. But God will fight these battles for me. Regret serves no purpose in our lives. "When Satan tempts me to despair, upward I look and find Him there." ...

Let's talk about a matter that I have avoided for quite some time, only because I really hate talking about it. Not only do I hate talking or thinking about it, but I hate reminding myself of the fact that I am in this predicament, despite my yearnings and prayers to God. And the topic I am speaking of today is... [drumroll please]... the art of being single. It seems to me that this is the age I should be settling down or dating someone or getting married or planning a wedding. Most singles my age have already spruced up their eHarmony profiles or been set up on blind dates by sympathetic friends. Others take to the bar or club and hop on the next wagon that takes them home. It seems my method of finding a mate could be seen as ineffective or unproductive, especially since, well... I'm not really searching. I mean, don't get me wrong, I look. But it just hasn't become my main priority, and I'd rather let God do the searching for me. Dating is a scary world out the...

My oh my, how God works in mysterious ways. God has a way of convicting me in my most downtrodden moments. Earlier, I posted a blog while I was in that moment, while I felt lost and confused. And then after I posted, God brought me a message that convicted my heart... I stumbled upon a sermon podcast that my church did in January. For some reason, I'd never heard the sermon before, and in some strange way, God led me to listen to it today... the one day it really pertained to me. Basically, the sermon was about the Israelites while they were in the wilderness. They had been exiled from their slavery in Egypt, and they came upon the Promised Land, only to find that there were giants. God had brought them all that way, and now He wasn't keeping His promises. They wanted to go back to Egypt. Back to their slavery. Back to familiar. God killed some of the Israelites in the wilderness because of their unbelief. They did not get to see the Promised Land. Austin was supposed to be m...

Lately I've been aching for familiarity. It's been awhile since I've been home- 6 weeks. It doesn't sound like a long time, but I usually go home every 4 weeks, so I'm finding myself a little homesick. I took a walk throughout the mall, and every time I go to the mall, I get nostalgic because it reminds of my Express days, when I had more sense of direction and more financial stability, when things were alot easier and I had work friends to see everyday. Sometimes I wonder why I ever left because I have struggled so much for the past year, but I know that if I had stayed, I would have made a very large mistake. God takes us where He needs us to go. So my nostalgia really got me questioning my current life, where I'm going, where I've been, and where I want to go. I don't think I've ever been more confused in my life. I've been doing alot of changing and alot of growing, alot of questioning and re-evaluating. And I have to say, it's mind-numb...

Life and I are starting to become great friends. Through my process of recovery, I have been spending some time in the Word and reading about suffering. In the past, I have had a bad relationship with suffering. Actually, I take that back. After alot of bad things happened to me, I started to believe that God was punishing me, that I had done something wrong to deserve the bad things that happened to me. I grew a huge guilt complex that carried me through college and then into the real world and the more bad things that happened to me, the more I believed I deserved it and started to expect bad things to happen to me. Needless to say, suffering grew a bad name with me. So I started to read about suffering in the Bible and realized that Jesus did alot of suffering too. Alot of godly people in the Bible did alot of suffering, and that’s when I realized... suffering happens to good people too, it’s part of living in a fallen world, and none of these people were being punished by God....

Thanksgiving went well. It's really good to go home after being away for so long. So I have been really developing myself as a woman lately. When I was in Houston, I was walking on crutches, depending on other people to give me the things I wanted in life. But when I moved to Austin, those crutches were taken from me, and I fell hard, and it was easy to point the finger for awhile. But after so long, no one would come around to help me walk, so I had to stop pointing the finger and start learning to walk on my own. It has been extremely difficult, but it has made alot of positive changes in my life. All the things I thought I needed from other people, I found I could get myself. And all the good things in life start within me. I hope that a year from now, I can say I am much closer to the woman I want to be, and I hope that my life is in a much better place. I know this is all very vague, but it's all very vague to me too. So I have also been reading the Bible, as I may have me...

So I get really tired of whining on this thing, and I get tired of whining altogether. I have learned alot about myself out here in Austin, and I have really had to come face-to-face with alot of my behavior traits that keep me from enjoying the good things in life. I'm really grateful that I can face these things so I can work on them and be rid of them. Yes, I have struggled out here, but through pain, God brings redemption. And I think God is polishing me up and scrubbing away those negative qualities so I can become a better, stronger person and continue on my way to going after my dreams. Even though things haven't panned out exactly as I hoped here in Austin, they're paving a better way for a better life, and I can't complain about that. I read a verse yesterday in Matthew that said something like, "Why worry if it cannot add any days to your life?" and it really hit me bc I worry about alot of stuff all the time. Worrying about being single isn't go...