Journey of a Thousand Miles

God doesn't throw out our prayers. He cares about the details of our lives. If there's something you're praying for over and over, and it's still not being answered, take comfort in the fact that God does care, even if He seems far away. He is working out the details of your life through the circumstances you're currently in.  If there's someone who can pray with you, invite people in. Don't assume that people won't be interested in your prayer just because they're not struggling with the same thing. You'd be surprised how much people care and want to know your struggles. They want to share theirs too and know that they're not alone.  You may wonder if there's ever an end to your suffering. There is. There always is. Sometimes it takes days, months, or years. I was unemployed twice for a matter of six months, and God provided great job opportunities that have built the career of my dreams. I was single for years, and God provided a ...

So life has been so crazy that I almost forgot to blog. Actually, I've been avoiding the ole blog because I really didn't want to talk about what was going on, which is alot of CRAP! Anyway... Alot has been going on. God has been testing me. But... it's all good. I got a job. A temporary job for the holidays, so I'll be kept busy. I need it. A good managerial job to keep me responsible and busy. Seriously though, the past week has been rough. There have been good times, mind you, but emotionally, things have been tough with my family. Through my Recovery group, I've been learning to deal with conflict differently than how I learned in my family, and going back to a family that still practices bad habits is not good for someone recovering from those things. Talk about high stress. So I've been in a lot of deep sorrow, anger, depression, you name it. I just thank GOD that I have the geographical distance from my family, and I have an amazing group of friends here...

Lately I've been aching for familiarity. It's been awhile since I've been home- 6 weeks. It doesn't sound like a long time, but I usually go home every 4 weeks, so I'm finding myself a little homesick. I took a walk throughout the mall, and every time I go to the mall, I get nostalgic because it reminds of my Express days, when I had more sense of direction and more financial stability, when things were alot easier and I had work friends to see everyday. Sometimes I wonder why I ever left because I have struggled so much for the past year, but I know that if I had stayed, I would have made a very large mistake. God takes us where He needs us to go. So my nostalgia really got me questioning my current life, where I'm going, where I've been, and where I want to go. I don't think I've ever been more confused in my life. I've been doing alot of changing and alot of growing, alot of questioning and re-evaluating. And I have to say, it's mind-numb...

Life and I are starting to become great friends. Through my process of recovery, I have been spending some time in the Word and reading about suffering. In the past, I have had a bad relationship with suffering. Actually, I take that back. After alot of bad things happened to me, I started to believe that God was punishing me, that I had done something wrong to deserve the bad things that happened to me. I grew a huge guilt complex that carried me through college and then into the real world and the more bad things that happened to me, the more I believed I deserved it and started to expect bad things to happen to me. Needless to say, suffering grew a bad name with me. So I started to read about suffering in the Bible and realized that Jesus did alot of suffering too. Alot of godly people in the Bible did alot of suffering, and that’s when I realized... suffering happens to good people too, it’s part of living in a fallen world, and none of these people were being punished by God....

It seems so much longer than a year since I moved to Austin. I have changed so much that it seems I have aged five years, both in maturity and in weariness. I first came here open and vulnerable to new experiences, ready to take on the city and show them what I had, though I wasn't quite brave enough to really do that. I had a host of dependencies that I was carrying with me that wouldn't let me walk on my own. I had hangups that I was still harboring in my heart and false perceptions that would eventually carry themselves to the surface, only to be scrutinized, condemned, and then changed. For the first few months, I was very hurt, confused, and disappointed at what I would find in my new life. I longed to go back to my old life, to find my dreams again, to grasp tightly to those things I so dearly depended on for my security. It wouldn't be long before I would be wiped clean of everything I clinged to and set on a different path that I was not familiar with. I had to beco...

I think some good things have happened to me in Austin. It has not been easy, by far. It has been extremely disheartening and eye-opening. God has brought me to my knees time and time again, crying and begging Him to make the pain stop, but He has pushed me through each time. He has not delivered me from my circumstances like I beg Him to because I have oh-so-much to learn from them, and how detrimental it would be if He let me off the hook too easily. It is God's tough love that is allowing me to grow to be a much better, stronger person. I cannot be bitter for that. The lessons I have learned here couldn't have been learned any other way. I had to go through these hard times in order to learn everything there was to learn. I can't believe how immature and dependent I was when I still lived in Houston. I was still a child. I now feel more like an adult. I wanted to grow; I wanted to learn. That is why I came here in the first place. I was sick of the status ...