Journey of a Thousand Miles

It's about that time again... to reflect on the past year and plan for the next. My Resolution for 2011 was more of a theme to " get back on the road again " to my goals and dreams and fully heal from past harmful relationships. I spent the beginning of this year in Recovery , going through the 12 steps a little less gracefully than I should have probably, but nevertheless, I have let go of a lot of baggage that was damaging any hope for a healthy relationship. Some of you may wonder why I went to Recovery in the first place. There was a myriad of reasons, but my sole purpose was that I didn't want to take any junk from my past relationships into my future marriage. I knew that marriage wasn't going to fix my problems, and if I wanted to have a good relationship with my future husband, then I first needed a good relationship with myself and, more importantly, with God. When I first went into Recovery, I realized a lot of my problems stemmed from false beliefs abo...

WARNING: This is a blog about nothing, really. This has been one very relaxing, much-needed trip to Houston. I love spending time with my family and catching up with old friends. After this weekend, I think God knew what He was doing by sending me to Austin. Although I miss some aspects of my life in Houston, I am very grateful for all that God has blessed me for my life in Austin. I am mostly grateful for the Recovery process God has bestowed on me. It has saved my life in a multitude of ways. Recovery has allowed me to be single so I could grow as a person, pursue my dreams, and become the person I want to be without having a relationship to damage my life. Better yet, I have learned to find my identity in Christ and not in a man's approval. It is truly freeing. I would like to remember that I am ok right where I am. It gets easy to lose perspective in the midst of difficult circumstances, and I forget to be grateful for what God has given to me. This weekend was a reminder of m...

I guess now that I'm unemployed, I have plenty of time to update this sucker. Life was pretty busy there for awhile, but now I've got all the time in the world to figure out what my next step may be. I am grateful for the friends I made in my last job and the stability God gave me for those short two months. But here we are back at Square One, and this time I am more prepared for it and more faithful for what's to come. A lot of people keep asking me what I want to do next, and my answer for that is "I don't really know." It would be nice if somebody could tell me, but I know the only One who can tell me what to do with my life is my Father. I keep asking Him for a neon sign, but it seems He works more with subtleties. I feel that I am at the age where I should start doing what I really want to do and stop limiting myself with my fears. I have nothing at this point holding me back: no relationship, no mortgage, no children, no car note. I have complete freed...

So life has been so crazy that I almost forgot to blog. Actually, I've been avoiding the ole blog because I really didn't want to talk about what was going on, which is alot of CRAP! Anyway... Alot has been going on. God has been testing me. But... it's all good. I got a job. A temporary job for the holidays, so I'll be kept busy. I need it. A good managerial job to keep me responsible and busy. Seriously though, the past week has been rough. There have been good times, mind you, but emotionally, things have been tough with my family. Through my Recovery group, I've been learning to deal with conflict differently than how I learned in my family, and going back to a family that still practices bad habits is not good for someone recovering from those things. Talk about high stress. So I've been in a lot of deep sorrow, anger, depression, you name it. I just thank GOD that I have the geographical distance from my family, and I have an amazing group of friends here...

My oh my, how God works in mysterious ways. God has a way of convicting me in my most downtrodden moments. Earlier, I posted a blog while I was in that moment, while I felt lost and confused. And then after I posted, God brought me a message that convicted my heart... I stumbled upon a sermon podcast that my church did in January. For some reason, I'd never heard the sermon before, and in some strange way, God led me to listen to it today... the one day it really pertained to me. Basically, the sermon was about the Israelites while they were in the wilderness. They had been exiled from their slavery in Egypt, and they came upon the Promised Land, only to find that there were giants. God had brought them all that way, and now He wasn't keeping His promises. They wanted to go back to Egypt. Back to their slavery. Back to familiar. God killed some of the Israelites in the wilderness because of their unbelief. They did not get to see the Promised Land. Austin was supposed to be m...

I can't believe it's already June! July will mark my one-year anniversary of moving to Austin, and I have to say, despite my struggles here (and there are many), it was definitely a good move on my part. I look forward to see what's in store for me for the next year. With that said, I had a great Memorial weekend. I caught up on some very much-needed sleep, did some writing, hanging out with people, then finished off the weekend with some kayaking on the lake and a pool party with friends, which reminded me why I moved here in the first place (the great outdoors). I have met so many people here in Austin, and it's interesting to see these people become my friends. Although our differences can rub each other the wrong way, I have come to learn how to let my guard down and let people see the vulnerable side of me, which isn't easy to do. I have always been shy and a closed book when it comes to revealing myself, but I have come to learn the satisfaction in letting ...

So I've started researching grad schools in different states, mainly the East Coast, and it's got me wondering if grad school is really worth it. I mean, I'll be broke all the time, away from my family (unless I can magically get into UT), and well... yes I love writing, but do I love it enough to sacrifice my family and financial security? I just don't know. I still get homesick, even when I'm only 2 1/2 hours away, so what makes me think I can live many states northward? Eeks. It scares me. I was very excited about the idea at first, but now I just feel overwhelmed. So I just have to say that fall is very beautiful here in Austin. I love the colder weather and the orange leaves. Sooo, so beautiful.

So I get really tired of whining on this thing, and I get tired of whining altogether. I have learned alot about myself out here in Austin, and I have really had to come face-to-face with alot of my behavior traits that keep me from enjoying the good things in life. I'm really grateful that I can face these things so I can work on them and be rid of them. Yes, I have struggled out here, but through pain, God brings redemption. And I think God is polishing me up and scrubbing away those negative qualities so I can become a better, stronger person and continue on my way to going after my dreams. Even though things haven't panned out exactly as I hoped here in Austin, they're paving a better way for a better life, and I can't complain about that. I read a verse yesterday in Matthew that said something like, "Why worry if it cannot add any days to your life?" and it really hit me bc I worry about alot of stuff all the time. Worrying about being single isn't go...

So... things have been a constant see-saw for me in Austin. Living on my own has proven to be quite a challenge, and has emitted quite a number of headaches and stress-induced panic attacks. But things are good for today... at this very moment, so I decided to do an update while my hopes are still high. My life has been pretty eventful here, I must say. In Houston, I was just living in my dreams, wishing for a better life, which is what brought me to Austin in the first place. And I have to say, living your "dreams" is alot less glamorous starting out. It's a constant struggle, but I know that if I trust God, He has redemption waiting for me just around the corner. And blessings. So I am being as patient as possible, while trying not to lose my mind. Sometimes I miss the comfort and ease of home, but I know that if I went back, I would feel like I gave up everything I ever fought for, everything that I'm struggling and striving for, and I am not yet ready to compromis...

Sooo much has happened (and not happened) in the past two months (I can't believe it's already been 2 months) since I moved to Austin. I am still looking for a full-time job, so pray for me guys. Gap has mentioned a promotion, but we'll see if that happens. If not, then I need to get on the ball and start looking. I've kinda fallen into a mini depression being so away from everything familiar, but I think this is a good experience for me, and I know something good will come out of it. It just takes time. I think I've found a church home in Austin, called the Austin Stone. It is a lively, genuine church with a lot of real, young Christians who are really about Christ and not just fakin' it like alot of other young people. So I really like that about them. Singledom in a new city is sometimes harder to deal with than singledom in a familiar city, even though I have a close friend right by me. Times get tough, and sometimes I would just like a companion to come ho...

So things are finally packed and ready for me, and I'm getting a little antsy about my big move to Austin. My fears are looming largely in front of me, and I'm having to take one step at a time through that huge Wall of Fear. My home doesn't feel like home anymore, and everything around me is just a blur. I'm letting go. It feels weird because I know my life is changing drastically, which means I'm changing drastically. There are so many people and new friends I'm letting go of, and it's scary.  One thing I want to do in Austin is figure out which career route is ultimately right for me. I think I've narrowed it down to writing. I want to pursue all my dreams when I get there, which I know will be hard when I'm trying to make a living- and find time to do what I love. It'll be difficult, but it'll also be worth it. I was in a lull in Houston. I was just waiting for life to happen, and it just kept waiting for me to make it happen. So I got ...