God's Tough Love

I think some good things have happened to me in Austin. It has not been easy, by far. It has been extremely disheartening and eye-opening. God has brought me to my knees time and time again, crying and begging Him to make the pain stop, but He has pushed me through each time. He has not delivered me from my circumstances like I beg Him to because I have oh-so-much to learn from them, and how detrimental it would be if He let me off the hook too easily. It is God's tough love that is allowing me to grow to be a much better, stronger person. I cannot be bitter for that. The lessons I have learned here couldn't have been learned any other way. I had to go through these hard times in order to learn everything there was to learn. I can't believe how immature and dependent I was when I still lived in Houston. I was still a child. I now feel more like an adult. I wanted to grow; I wanted to learn. That is why I came here in the first place. I was sick of the status quo. I wanted to be so much more. Of course, my version of success was much different than God's version. My version was external success, while God's was internal. He wanted to change me on the inside, and I went in kicking and screaming. I didn't want to face all these giants and obstacles. There were too many fears attached. But alas, He has brought me through, and I have grown much stronger than I have ever been before. He has given me lasting tools to help me through any circumstances. I know I still have so much more to learn, but I hope the pain will subside eventually.

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