Putting God First

In light of my New Years Resolution to get back on the road again, I think my first and foremost necessary goal for 2011 is to put God first. It baffles me how many times I forget to do this when the going gets tough. I tend to seek help from others and even myself, searching for any kind of good advice or words of wisdom from the sages, rather than go to the Ultimate Wise One who has the only true words that will satisfy me and lead me in the right direction.

Lately, I've been confused and hopeless on the direction of my career. My financial situation in Austin has been quite a struggle, and it seems I just can't get both feet on the ground. I have interviewed for two jobs that I really wanted, and both have turned out unavailable to me. This also happened when I first graduated college, and I ended up getting to travel through Europe and found a job when I got back, so I've learned to trust God in these instances. But sometimes, my faith isn't so strong. Like today.

Through my Recovery program, I stumbled through some words of wisdom in my reading. It talks about the difference between trusting God and not trusting God in difficult circumstances. I'll share with you what I read because it completely relates to my current situation:

If I believe my value and worth are in my job, then I do not believe in God's supremacy over my life, and I think I know what is best for me. I lose my job, I am unemployed for 6 months, and I come to the end of my savings. The trials of life have made me anxious and possibly depressed. Now, I find an ad for a job that I know is the perfect one for me. My interview goes well and they promise to respond in two weeks. During that time I obsess about that job and become convinced that I must have it. So when I am turned down for the job I become angry and depressed leading me to perhaps take my own life. But this is all based on the false belief that my value and worth are in my job alone.

If instead I am centered on God, the outcome will be much different. I am still 6 months unemployed, savings depleted, maybe even anxious and depressed. I interview for the same job and I am just as convinced it is the perfect job for me. However, during the two week waiting period I pray and admit to God that I do not know what is best but trust that He does. So when I am rejected for the job I become angry and question God, but I trust His providence. I am able to still praise God and feel His love and acknowledge His sovereignty in my life. Without knowledge of God's Word and truths, I would not be able to navigate this trial without possibly dire consequences.

More often than I would like to admit, I relate to the first one. I lose hope and all perspective, get depressed and anxious, and forget that God is in control. When I am in the midst of uncertainty, I would like to commit myself to putting God first this year and see how much of a difference it makes in my life. I am sure the outcome will be much better.

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