In the Wilderness

My oh my, how God works in mysterious ways. God has a way of convicting me in my most downtrodden moments. Earlier, I posted a blog while I was in that moment, while I felt lost and confused. And then after I posted, God brought me a message that convicted my heart...

I stumbled upon a sermon podcast that my church did in January. For some reason, I'd never heard the sermon before, and in some strange way, God led me to listen to it today... the one day it really pertained to me.

Basically, the sermon was about the Israelites while they were in the wilderness. They had been exiled from their slavery in Egypt, and they came upon the Promised Land, only to find that there were giants. God had brought them all that way, and now He wasn't keeping His promises. They wanted to go back to Egypt. Back to their slavery. Back to familiar. God killed some of the Israelites in the wilderness because of their unbelief. They did not get to see the Promised Land.

Austin was supposed to be my Promised Land. It was supposed to be flowing with milk and honey. And live music. But when I got here, all I saw were giants. I feel I've been in the wilderness for the past year, struggling and fighting those giants, and still I have not seen God's promises. I begged God to take me back to Egypt. Back to my slavery. Back to familiar. Because I'm tired of being in the wilderness. I would rather go back to my retail job, work those overnighters and sacrifice God's promises so that I could get out of these dark times. I just couldn't see how any of this could be for God's good. Where is this all going? What is the point to all of this? Will it ever end? Just take me back home and get me out of this wilderness. But God has kept me here for a reason. He used the wilderness to reveal some things about my heart...

A heart of unbelief is an evil heart. Unbelief is the root of sin. It doubts God's goodness. It says, "Maybe God isn't for me. Maybe all this around me isn't for my good." Temptation comes in the way of the serpent and says, "God's holding out on you. He's not giving you everything you need. There's something He's withholding from you." But...

God gave us His Word, and the Word knows every intention of your heart. It cracks through every layer that you're not aware of and reveals what's really there. What it says it will do, it will do. The Word is strong enough to get to the deepest, darkest parts of your heart where you're not believing, and it shines the light of God's promises in those dark areas. It exposes sin in your heart. When you are tempted to doubt, believe the word of God. Believe that things will work out for His good. Unbelief will prevent you from entering God's rest. God's Word will fight your battles for you. It fights the areas of your heart that you can't control. It fights on your behalf. So...

God is fighting these giants for me. He is fighting so I can make it to the Promised Land. He made His promises, and He will keep them. He is just using this time in the wilderness to reveal my heart, to shine His light into the dark places, and to let me rest in His Word. Because only then will I make it to the Promised Land. Only then will I stop struggling, and all this exile will make sense. Only then will I get out of this wilderness.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Update on Life

I just wanted to update because I'm very happy with my life right now. I've been talking to someone new- a crush from high school- and we recently reconnected, and we are finding that we have sooooo much in common, it's not even funny. He might move to Australia with his job, but I am still enjoying this bit of time we have to talk and get to know each other. I can't believe this is my 3rd relationship this year- I usually have 1 relationship per year, and I give myself a long break in between. But I feel that God has lifted the barrier of me not dating anyone, and now He is giving me free reign. So far, so good because I have been dating MUCH better men than my usual. So I am happy because we enjoy all the same hobbies, the same music, the same everything! We do have some differences on religion (he's a Christian, but he doesn't celebrate Christmas), so that may be the make it or break it deal. But in the meantime, I am very happy getting to know him. In ot...
Read more

Looking Back

It seems so much longer than a year since I moved to Austin. I have changed so much that it seems I have aged five years, both in maturity and in weariness. I first came here open and vulnerable to new experiences, ready to take on the city and show them what I had, though I wasn't quite brave enough to really do that. I had a host of dependencies that I was carrying with me that wouldn't let me walk on my own. I had hangups that I was still harboring in my heart and false perceptions that would eventually carry themselves to the surface, only to be scrutinized, condemned, and then changed. For the first few months, I was very hurt, confused, and disappointed at what I would find in my new life. I longed to go back to my old life, to find my dreams again, to grasp tightly to those things I so dearly depended on for my security. It wouldn't be long before I would be wiped clean of everything I clinged to and set on a different path that I was not familiar with. I had to beco...
Read more

Wholeness

Happy New Year everybody!!! I hope you are all ready to maintain your resolutions this year because I know I am. I have a heavy plate to fill, so there's no time to waste in past regrets and what not. I have a desk calendar that has daily prayers for emotional wholeness, and January 1st really touched on something that I struggle with and want to overcome this year, and I will share with you what it said: God's purpose for our lives is to make us whole- which is the way He created us to be- and then to work through us for His glory as we surrender our lives to Him. Emotional wholeness means living without negative emotions and having peace about who you are and where your life is headed. When we pray to God, we are spending time in His presence. And in His presence is where we find healing from the pain of our past. Prayer draws us closer to God, where we can get a vision for our future and better understand our purpose. The theme that sticks out to me here is wholeness, and th...
Read more