New Years Resolution
It's about that time again... to reflect on the past year and plan for the next. My Resolution for 2011 was more of a theme to "get back on the road again" to my goals and dreams and fully heal from past harmful relationships. I spent the beginning of this year in Recovery, going through the 12 steps a little less gracefully than I should have probably, but nevertheless, I have let go of a lot of baggage that was damaging any hope for a healthy relationship.
Some of you may wonder why I went to Recovery in the first place. There was a myriad of reasons, but my sole purpose was that I didn't want to take any junk from my past relationships into my future marriage. I knew that marriage wasn't going to fix my problems, and if I wanted to have a good relationship with my future husband, then I first needed a good relationship with myself and, more importantly, with God.
When I first went into Recovery, I realized a lot of my problems stemmed from false beliefs about God. I didn't believe that he was for me, even in my suffering. Through reading His Word, though, I have found that God uses our suffering for His good. Over the course of this year, I have learned to trust Him more, and that alone has set me "on the road again" to all things good.
Recovery also taught me how to set proper boundaries and be more assertive. Learning to say "no" to the bad and "yes" to the good is very helpful in getting through life in a fallen world. At first, my boundaries came across as more aggression, but as I learned to state how I feel and confront conflict in a healthier way, I was able to state my expectations in a fashion that is less harmful and gets my point across to others. This is an area that I still need to work on, but I am a work in progress.
I also achieved my ONE YEAR ROCK for not speaking to an ex-boyfriend from college. For those of you who don't know what a one year rock is, it is an actual rock they give you in Recovery for being sober for at least a year. For me, my "sobriety" was letting go of an unhealthy, damaging relationship. There are times when the devil will tempt me, and my ex will try to get in contact with me through texts or social media, but I have learned that I don't have to answer him or keep him in my life in any shape or form. Permanently severing the ties with him has been the best remedy for a lot of stress in my life. Thank You Lord.
Another good thing that happened this year was that I finally found STABILITY in my career life! Hallelujah! I spent my first year and a half in Austin mostly unemployed or hating the jobs I had, trying out internships while depending on government paychecks and food stamps. It was the worst, but I learned how to trust God to provide, and He did. Tenfold. I found a job in an industry that I love with a great company and great people. I look forward to going to work on a day-to-day basis, and I feel that my talents are being heightened and used. It's truly an answered prayer.
Some other cool things that happened this year were going to Alaska (my first cruise), South Carolina, and to the Biltmore Estate. Traveling is something I wish I could do more often but just don't have the proper funds to. In fact, all my travels this year were provided for by great and generous friends that I am grateful to have in my life. Luckily, next year I will have a chance to finally go on my first overseas mission trip. Through the WDP, I am going to Rome and London to reach out to the growing Muslim population and share the Good News of Christ. This will be support-based, and hopefully by the grace of God, all my funds will be provided for.
I think my only disappointment for this year was ending up single (yet again). But I have to say, my attitude about singledom has changed a lot in just the past few months. I can thank the WDP for this. I have learned that I am okay with or without a boyfriend/husband, and having one will not make me more fulfilled/satisfied/loved/accepted/happy/etc. I am complete in and of myself, and I have all I need to live a satisfied life in Jesus. I have instead decided to use this time that God has given me to serve others and increase my prayer life in Him, to improve my self-esteem without depending on a man (or anyone else for that matter), and to go after my true passions that God has set in my heart to do.
So with all that said, what would I like to resolve to do in 2012? Well, how much time do you have? Here is the Cliff's Notes version of my Resolutions for 2012:
Finish the first draft of my novel: For those of you who don't know, yes, I am a writer (say whaaat?!), and I have been working on the same novel since I graduated college, which was in 2007. Without giving away the whole plot, the book is essentially an allegory about time, which ironically, I have no time to write. BUT... I will make time because every good writer knows that to get any writing done, you have to force yourself in that chair with or without inspiration. I took a writing class through my church at the beginning of the year and met my fellow writer-friend Nicole thru Imagine Art, who has dedicated one day a week to meet and write with me. I have also met 2 more fellow writers thru the church, and I'm hoping to get a little group action together because without that accountability, I will get nothing done.
Perform my songs: Something else people probably didn't know about me is that I write my own songs. I haven't put my music out there because I doubt my own talent (not to mention I have terrible stage fright), but what good is it sitting in my own head? I'm in the Live Music Capital of the World, for crying out loud. It's one of the reasons I moved to Austin in the first place. I got recorded when I first moved here, but in the midst of struggling to survive, I put away my love for songwriting. It's time to dust it off and share it with others.
Restore my self-esteem: This may sound kind of high schoolish, but a lot of my self-esteem has been damaged through harmful relationships, failures in my career life, and having retarded social skills. I don't want to take my crappy 20s into my 30s, so it's high time I start being gentler to myself. Besides, I'm single and still have time to work on myself before I take my issues into a relationship. There's no reason to feel so low about myself. I am a child of God, and I'd like my self-esteem to reflect how God views me.
Become fluent in Greek: I didn't know this about myself until I traveled to Europe, but I absolutely LOVE learning and speaking new languages, and one of my dreams is to be fluent in every European language. For some reason, I have chosen to start with Greek- the hardest language ever- rather than a more useful language like Spanish or French. But ever since I traveled to Greece, I fell in love with its culture, history, fashion, scenery, and language. I have the Rosetta Stone in Greek on my laptop, and if I just take the time to do one lesson a day, I can be fluent by the end of the year.
Should I stay or should I go? This has been the question of the hour since the first week I moved to Austin, but lately it's been pulling on my heart more. I know I won't leave Austin until after my mission trip in July, but what if it's time for a change of scenery? Sometimes I feel there are two forces living inside me: one who wants the comfort of home and the other who wants to see the world. They are constantly fighting each other, and somehow I compromised on both and settled in Austin: a little comfort and a little adventure. But lately I've been feeling restless, which tends to happen when I get too comfortable, and my adventurous side gets bored. She wants to see more, do more, and be more. I've tried to shut her up by reminding her of the stress of change and the need for stability, but that doesn't stop her from getting louder. So it seems I need to feed this she-devil and explore for a little bit. I don't know when or where yet, but we will see what the future holds for me in the next year.
So those are my big resolutions for 2012. There are other goals I have such as eat healthier and exercise, but those are pretty generic and self-explanatory. Here's to hoping 2012 promises good things. Feel free to share your own resolutions. Cheers people!
Comments
As for resolutions, I don't make em anymore per say, because I've realized that when I did in the past I always failed, and it was pointless and a waste of time to write a million things I want to do or change, that never ended up happening, or were actually quite unrealistic in hindsight....so instead of feeling frustrated and disappointed in myself for not accomplishing the things I had "resolved" to do that year, I changed up the way I do resolutions. Now I just focus on one thing and renew that each year, which encompasses everything I want to do, and just put all my time and energy in that. And there is no time frame, like a year, and I don't put pressure on myself to try and get it done in a year...as long as I know that I'm making an effort then that is good enough measure of growth for me....in fact, mine for 2012 is the same as it was last year: strive to be a more Christ-like Christian and strengthen my relationship with God and accomplishing His Will by serving others. And that encompasses all the other stuff, whether minut or huge. Sure there are a ton of things I would love to try to do or fix, but I've found that by striving for that one thing, God takes care of everything else... when I did that last year, all the other little things I wasn't happy with in my life or wanted to change got better...maybe in baby steps, but I was able to see the progress. And I credit it to prayer and focusing on being a better Christian. I'm not there yet, and I may not ever completely get there, but I guess my "resolution" if I must make one, is to always try to get there. And that's where I see the other areas in my life grow and change. And if it takes more than a year, so be it. I just don't like the pressure and limits that "New Year's Resolutions" bring.
Anyway, I'm not trying to be pessimistic or "rain" on your resolutions, because those are great resolutions...just saying, don't limit yourself to a year, and don't get down on yourself if you aren't able to attain those goals by next year....it'll all happen when the time is right, and if you focus on the bigger picture rather than all the small stuff. :)
And of course, you know I'm going to tell you that you should come back to Houston! :) If you miss home, then settle at home, and travel to all the other places whenever you feel restless or in need of adventure. You have your whole life for adventure, so if need be, it could wait, right? But do you have your whole life to settle down and have a family? That's your choice, of course, I'm just saying...you can have both...adventure and travelling, and settling down at the same time.
I'll stop babbling now, just wanted to share my input on resolutions. :) Call me when you're in town next week, we need to get together!