Journey of a Thousand Miles

So many goals... so little time. Sometimes my goals make me feel like a failure because year after year, I don't get as much accomplished as I hoped. Some things take twice as long or ten times as long! It's good to remember that God's goals for us are better than our own goals. Things will happen in His timing, and I will only get accomplished what He wants me to accomplish. My eternal purpose is better than any earthly attainment. Still, I find myself looking at my own deadlines, wondering when I can accomplish it all. My bucket list grows and grows, but I don't have the money to travel to all the places I want to go. I don't have the time to finish my book, start a business, AND pursue music all at the same time. It's just not feasible. God only gives us so much time in a day. And even if I DID accomplish all those things, what would it be for? Approval? My own satisfaction? Those things don't matter in eternal light. So I try not to push myself to th...

I am headed to Ireland next week, and I couldn't be more excited to leave! I need a change of scenery. Not that anything is going bad in my life. Things are finally pretty calm for once. I just need some adventure in my life and to get away from my 'to do' list. Every vacation I have had has been for family or music, so it's nice to finally have a real vacation where I don't have something to do except enjoy life. For 2 WEEKS!!!! I have to be honest though. My ex has been on my mind, and I've been wondering how he's doing. Wondering if he's still with his new girl, or if he's ruined it already. My bet goes on the latter. But I still pray for him and hope that God is taking care of him because Lord knows I couldn't handle him. Only every once in awhile do I miss him. It's hard when I see a picture of him. But I don't want to speak to him for a very long time. God needs to do some work in him before I give him that privilege. And then I...

It's been awhile. I've been busy writing new music for the album, getting into a regular exercise regime, staying focused at work, and working through spiritual issues. I recently borrowed a book from a friend called "Rejection," and it talks about the spiritual side of rejection and why we feel it. Interesting stuff. It says that an evil spirit can enter a baby in the womb and manifest itself throughout that person's life. The spirit of rejection can move through several generations, and it's passed down to you through your family line. I know. Intense stuff! So I've been praying for God to remove this spirit from my life so I can get on with living, and it's a lot harder than you would think. Rejection can attach to you deep into your soul, and it takes some digging to get it out. But I don't want to live with it anymore, so I am grabbing my spiritual shovel and getting that sucker out. I want to live a good life without this fear hangi...

Transitions... I've been feeling like my life this year has been one big transition. I feel God's hand moving me to release my grip on things I was holding onto- an old relationship, a job- the things I was finding my security in instead of Jesus, and instead to move forward into a new assignment to be fully dependent on Him. It has been a battle. I have fought Him, and He has won. I struggled, and God pulled out all the muck from my heart. I prayed that He would take out all the bad and only allow what is good, and that is exactly what He did. I just didn't expect it to be as hard and ugly as it was. I was hoping for something a little easier. So here I stand in full surrender, with no real plans on the horizon. I have plans, but I keep them with open hands. I am recording an album next month, and I feel so haphazard and unprepared, but I'm moving forward with it anyway. I felt at peace when I signed the contract, and I am trusting God to do what God does, and I ...

I decided that I need to get out and serve more, and I love disaster relief, so I was thrilled when my pastor announced today that they needed volunteers to help with flood victims. I have been praying to get more involved in my community and to spend more time with Christian fellowship, so this was an answered prayer. I raced home to change clothes after church and was the first one to the host family home. It's sad to see how much the flood really affected some people. They got 27" in their home, and we gutted the entire kitchen today, ripping apart their cabinetry, and the work isn't even done yet. I can't imagine seeing your home ripped to shreds like that. I would wince every time I saw rain if that happened to me. But anyway, it was good for me to get out and do some manual labor, rather than sit at home all depressed because I'm all alone. I was going to go to singles group tonight, but all the dust from that house made me tired, and I have been napping si...

My show today went GREAT! I was very proud of my band, and we had a great scenery around us. There was a river and boat behind the stage, a green lawn in front of us, and tons of people and vendors. It was a sunny day with no rain (thank God), and we had amazing burgers afterwards. The sound guy could've done a better job, but as a musician, you get used to bad sound guys. I am just glad we got through our first performance! And even though we didn't do perfectly, I am still proud of us. With that said, I am now at home chilling all alone, still trying to recuperate from the hot sun today. I am busily posting pictures and videos of our performance, trying to stay on top of the social media game. Even though I'm single, I feel okay with it, and I am okay with spending the rest of my Saturday alone. I already had a pretty successful day, and I am satisfied. I don't need a million people to hang out with, and I'm trying to reconstruct my friendship base anyway. You...

I spent my Friday night alone with God, and I am perfectly fine with it. Things have been going exceptionally well. Is my life perfect? No way. I still struggle with loneliness and depression. I am still grieving over my breakup from a couple months ago. I am still trying to get used to doing life alone. I wanted to spend time with people today, but nobody was available. So I spent time in the Word. And I found that God is totally enough. I'd rather spend time with Him any day than spend it with the wrong people. I found satisfaction in my loneliness today because I realized I am not alone at all. God is always with me, and He's always available, even if our friends aren't. I can rest in that. Tomorrow I have a show, and I am excited. God has been opening lots of doors in the music world, and it's crazy how it's all happening all at once. It's like God had to get rid of my negative relationship in order to open the flood gates in my career. I am still ...