Dating God on a Friday Night

I spent my Friday night alone with God, and I am perfectly fine with it.

Things have been going exceptionally well. Is my life perfect? No way. I still struggle with loneliness and depression. I am still grieving over my breakup from a couple months ago. I am still trying to get used to doing life alone.

I wanted to spend time with people today, but nobody was available. So I spent time in the Word. And I found that God is totally enough. I'd rather spend time with Him any day than spend it with the wrong people.

I found satisfaction in my loneliness today because I realized I am not alone at all. God is always with me, and He's always available, even if our friends aren't. I can rest in that.

Tomorrow I have a show, and I am excited. God has been opening lots of doors in the music world, and it's crazy how it's all happening all at once. It's like God had to get rid of my negative relationship in order to open the flood gates in my career.

I am still keeping my day job, and I decided I would keep it until it didn't make sense anymore. I am very busy with graphic design projects, and I need the money to pay for my recordings, so I'm not planning to quit for awhile. There are days I just want to give it up and never go back to work again. But I know I need it, and we have a lot of big projects right now that I want to be a part of.

For some reason, after my breakup, I became less goal-driven. Not in a bad way. I've just been resting more and choosing only a few goals to attain instead of 20 million that can't possibly be accomplished in one lifetime. I get overwhelmed easily, so I cut down on the goals, and I'm realizing more and more how much I want to start cultivating relationships and focus less on success.

I don't care about success as much as I used to. I guess now that I don't have a romantic relationship to distract me, I realized how important people are to me. I need community. Especially Christian community. I want to help people and heal people. I want them to know God more. But where do I find people to mentor? I don't get out enough.

So my goals are changing. I once wanted to achieve things for me, but I just don't care about me anymore. I want to focus more on others now. I am recording a faith-based album because I can't do things that don't serve a higher purpose. I have to do things that will help people.

I love songwriting, and I love using my gift and passion to help change the world. I know God will use this album, and honestly, I don't even care if this album is successful or not. I just know that I need to record it and get back into the studio. I'm just being obedient to my calling.

Well these are just random ramblings of a single girl on a Friday night. I know God is doing great things in my life right now, even though I feel sad sometimes. He is healing me from a breakup, He is moving me forward, He is preparing me for a new season and stripping away the things that no longer serve a purpose in my life. It's sad, but also exhilarating. I have moments of tears and then moments of excitement.

Today I am excited. Tomorrow I have a show, and I can't wait for it. Sleep tight.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Update on Life

I just wanted to update because I'm very happy with my life right now. I've been talking to someone new- a crush from high school- and we recently reconnected, and we are finding that we have sooooo much in common, it's not even funny. He might move to Australia with his job, but I am still enjoying this bit of time we have to talk and get to know each other. I can't believe this is my 3rd relationship this year- I usually have 1 relationship per year, and I give myself a long break in between. But I feel that God has lifted the barrier of me not dating anyone, and now He is giving me free reign. So far, so good because I have been dating MUCH better men than my usual. So I am happy because we enjoy all the same hobbies, the same music, the same everything! We do have some differences on religion (he's a Christian, but he doesn't celebrate Christmas), so that may be the make it or break it deal. But in the meantime, I am very happy getting to know him. In ot...
Read more

Looking Back

It seems so much longer than a year since I moved to Austin. I have changed so much that it seems I have aged five years, both in maturity and in weariness. I first came here open and vulnerable to new experiences, ready to take on the city and show them what I had, though I wasn't quite brave enough to really do that. I had a host of dependencies that I was carrying with me that wouldn't let me walk on my own. I had hangups that I was still harboring in my heart and false perceptions that would eventually carry themselves to the surface, only to be scrutinized, condemned, and then changed. For the first few months, I was very hurt, confused, and disappointed at what I would find in my new life. I longed to go back to my old life, to find my dreams again, to grasp tightly to those things I so dearly depended on for my security. It wouldn't be long before I would be wiped clean of everything I clinged to and set on a different path that I was not familiar with. I had to beco...
Read more

Wholeness

Happy New Year everybody!!! I hope you are all ready to maintain your resolutions this year because I know I am. I have a heavy plate to fill, so there's no time to waste in past regrets and what not. I have a desk calendar that has daily prayers for emotional wholeness, and January 1st really touched on something that I struggle with and want to overcome this year, and I will share with you what it said: God's purpose for our lives is to make us whole- which is the way He created us to be- and then to work through us for His glory as we surrender our lives to Him. Emotional wholeness means living without negative emotions and having peace about who you are and where your life is headed. When we pray to God, we are spending time in His presence. And in His presence is where we find healing from the pain of our past. Prayer draws us closer to God, where we can get a vision for our future and better understand our purpose. The theme that sticks out to me here is wholeness, and th...
Read more