Transitions
Transitions...
I've been feeling like my life this year has been one big transition. I feel God's hand moving me to release my grip on things I was holding onto- an old relationship, a job- the things I was finding my security in instead of Jesus, and instead to move forward into a new assignment to be fully dependent on Him.
It has been a battle. I have fought Him, and He has won. I struggled, and God pulled out all the muck from my heart. I prayed that He would take out all the bad and only allow what is good, and that is exactly what He did. I just didn't expect it to be as hard and ugly as it was. I was hoping for something a little easier.
So here I stand in full surrender, with no real plans on the horizon. I have plans, but I keep them with open hands. I am recording an album next month, and I feel so haphazard and unprepared, but I'm moving forward with it anyway. I felt at peace when I signed the contract, and I am trusting God to do what God does, and I have just left it in His hands. I am just going to show up and do my part, and possibly God will do the rest.
My ambitions have settled down a lot this year. My priorities and motivations have changed, and I have been questioning different things, such as my career route. I know I am ready to leave graphic design and move forward to something more meaningful, like counseling, but how is one supposed to move into an entirely different career path with no previous experience or degree in such a field? So I started praying about that too. I went part time at work so I could sort some things out.
My love life has felt haphazard too. I went from a year-long relationship to a small dose of single life and back into another (much better) relationship in the course of a few months, and I am just left with so many questions and doubts and uncertainties. I am fighting between trying to let go of the old and make room for something new. It has left me with a seesaw of emotions. I have placed all this in God's hands as well.
Transitions... what do you do when you feel your whole life and foundation has been uprooted, when God starts taking away your crutches and allowing you to fall, so you can rise back up with His help? I guess you surrender to His work because what else can you do? He's God, and He's in control.
I will tell you that when God is trying to move you forward into a new place, Satan will attack, and attack he did. He attacked my beliefs, emotions, and sleep. I thought I was going crazy. God placed special people into my life to help me fight this battle and get back on solid ground. I finally feel sane again, but I am still left with so much uncertainty.
I'm a girl who likes to build 5 and 10 year plans and to work hard at achieving that plan. This year, all my plans got swiped, and I am left to only depend on God's plan. I don't even care about my plan anymore. I don't even want my plan. All I want is to know that I am right smack dab in the center of God's will.
So here I am in the middle of one big transition. Where will God lead me? Where is He taking me? Where will I end up? I have no earthly idea, but I know I can trust Him wherever I go. He is my guide and my anchor, and He's all I really have. So I'm just going to walk in this season with Him, and when the time is right, I'll be in another assignment that He predestined and planned. Right now, He is preparing me for the next harvest.
I've been feeling like my life this year has been one big transition. I feel God's hand moving me to release my grip on things I was holding onto- an old relationship, a job- the things I was finding my security in instead of Jesus, and instead to move forward into a new assignment to be fully dependent on Him.
It has been a battle. I have fought Him, and He has won. I struggled, and God pulled out all the muck from my heart. I prayed that He would take out all the bad and only allow what is good, and that is exactly what He did. I just didn't expect it to be as hard and ugly as it was. I was hoping for something a little easier.
So here I stand in full surrender, with no real plans on the horizon. I have plans, but I keep them with open hands. I am recording an album next month, and I feel so haphazard and unprepared, but I'm moving forward with it anyway. I felt at peace when I signed the contract, and I am trusting God to do what God does, and I have just left it in His hands. I am just going to show up and do my part, and possibly God will do the rest.
My ambitions have settled down a lot this year. My priorities and motivations have changed, and I have been questioning different things, such as my career route. I know I am ready to leave graphic design and move forward to something more meaningful, like counseling, but how is one supposed to move into an entirely different career path with no previous experience or degree in such a field? So I started praying about that too. I went part time at work so I could sort some things out.
My love life has felt haphazard too. I went from a year-long relationship to a small dose of single life and back into another (much better) relationship in the course of a few months, and I am just left with so many questions and doubts and uncertainties. I am fighting between trying to let go of the old and make room for something new. It has left me with a seesaw of emotions. I have placed all this in God's hands as well.
Transitions... what do you do when you feel your whole life and foundation has been uprooted, when God starts taking away your crutches and allowing you to fall, so you can rise back up with His help? I guess you surrender to His work because what else can you do? He's God, and He's in control.
I will tell you that when God is trying to move you forward into a new place, Satan will attack, and attack he did. He attacked my beliefs, emotions, and sleep. I thought I was going crazy. God placed special people into my life to help me fight this battle and get back on solid ground. I finally feel sane again, but I am still left with so much uncertainty.
I'm a girl who likes to build 5 and 10 year plans and to work hard at achieving that plan. This year, all my plans got swiped, and I am left to only depend on God's plan. I don't even care about my plan anymore. I don't even want my plan. All I want is to know that I am right smack dab in the center of God's will.
So here I am in the middle of one big transition. Where will God lead me? Where is He taking me? Where will I end up? I have no earthly idea, but I know I can trust Him wherever I go. He is my guide and my anchor, and He's all I really have. So I'm just going to walk in this season with Him, and when the time is right, I'll be in another assignment that He predestined and planned. Right now, He is preparing me for the next harvest.
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