Journey of a Thousand Miles

I spent alot of quality time with God this morning.  I've been struggling alot in my life about where I am, what I'm doing, and where I'm going.  Honestly, I didn't like where I am or where I was going, but this morning did some good with me and God.  I read a little bit of Job, did some talking, crying, and screaming at God, and then I came to some peace.   Sometimes we may not like where we are, but this is exactly where God wants us. How many of us are really living our dreams, I mean really  living our dreams?  So few of us are. Life doesn't ever happen the way we think it will.  Mine certainly hasn't happened at all like I wanted it to.  Working in retail, single, living with my  parents at age 25.  Seriously, five years ago, I thought I'd be so far out of Houston, married or on the verge, and in a career that I absolutely love. But none of that has happened, and for good reasons.  God has another plan.  This morning, I learned to relax in God's p...

Maybe I don't realize just how lucky I am. I just got a full-time job in retail when thousands of people are being laid-off in the same industry.  So many people are being affected by the economy, but God has chosen to bless me financially and give me a better income.  And even though He has chosen to bless me, I still find ways to be dissatisfied with my work situation: the fact that I have to leave behind familiarity, drive further, buy a whole new wardrobe, get to know new people, and I won't be getting paid as much as I asked for (though it's still more than I'm making now).  After awhile, I have to stop myself and ask, "Are you seriously complaining about this blessing?  What is wrong  with you?!  You asked God to bless you, and when He did, you had the audacity to complain about it?!"  Sometimes I make myself sick.  There are people who can barely pay their bills, while I enjoy typing on my brand new $1000 MacBook, and I complain that God is not answeri...

I go through certain times in my life when I become very convicted with the way I treat people and the way I think.  I want to like people, and I want to be nice to them, but sometimes I get so irritable and impatient with people that I start to lash out and hate them.  This is not the kind of person I want to be.  I want to be likable and agreeable.   It has also come to my realization that sometimes I blame my circumstances for why I can't be a "better person."  Everyone is given different circumstances, some harsher than others, but it's not our circumstances that decides our destiny.  It's what we do  with those circumstances that decide our destiny.  I can blame the people around me for my own poor character, but even if I change the people I'm surrounded by, I'm still left with my own poor character.  God doesn't judge us on the people we're surrounded by or the circumstances we're in.  He judges us on what we do  with those circumstances...

It's been awhile since I've made a post, mostly because I just haven't felt inspired to write. Actually, I haven't been inspired AT ALL. Things in my life are just bland right now, and I don't have enough around me to keep me motivated. Work is tiring and doesn't pay enough, I'm tired of living with my parents, and I just don't have much of a social life to keep me going. The social life I do have consists of people that I have little in common with, besides a few close friends, so the more I spend time with them, the less fulfilling I feel. I guess that's just it. I don't feel fulfilled. I feel very empty and devoid of any meaning right now. I need to be out and about. I'm a person who needs alot of excitement and adrenaline in my life, and Houston just doesn't have it for me. I need to be around people my own age who are just as adventurous and ambitious as me, who lift me up instead of tear me down, who bring out the best in ...

I am on my own path. I am running my own race, and I am doing my own thing, and it doesn't matter what other people are doing, where they are going, or what they think about my path. I personally like the path that I'm on, and I have faith that God will take me to great places. All I have to do is stop clinging to the past and stop re-opening doors that God meant to stay closed. I am holding on to a life that is not going anywhere, and God can't take me anywhere until I let go. I am holding on out of fear: fear that I can't handle the change or the challenges, fear that I'll be missing out on something if I turn away, fear of loss... and other nameless fears. I can be so much more than I am allowing myself to be. That is my point. I am holding onto a me that needs to grow. There is so, SO much I want to accomplish in my life, so much I want to see and do, and I am holding myself back. How do I go about becoming the extraordinary person I am meant to become? How do I...

I hope everyone's New Years went well. Mine was nice. I spent it with my family, something I haven't done since... geez, I don't know when. I usually party it up with my friends, but I've seen enough of those days. I wanted to try something different this year and see how it affects the rest of my year. So far, my resolutions have been held. I've been managing my time better and going after my goals. Sometimes I get a little lazy, but I think I deserve it after working so hard. I'm hoping to get a higher-paying job or a raise this year, and I've been tithing, so I think God will be more apt to bless me this year. The weather is beautifully warm today, and I'm spending time with the girls tonight, so it should be a marvelous day, especially since it's the first Saturday I've had off from work in a long time. Next week is going to be HELL at work because of floorset. I'm spending today to write part of my book, and it takes alot of p...

We are coming to the end of a very beautiful year. Alot has happened in 2008 that was a turning point for all of us: we saw Houston and Galveston get blown to pieces by Hurricane Ike and witnessed the first black President make it to office, seen the gas prices go from almost $3 a gallon down to $1.30, watched Britney get her life back together, mourned the loss of the talented actor Heath Ledger, and freaked as the stock market made a plummet to hell. As I reflect on my own life, I see a scared girl grow into a brave and courageous woman, someone who has fallen and broken, risen up and mended. Someone who has overcome her obstacles and still has many yet to overcome. Whose heart has been broken and repaired, stronger than it was before. Who has learned the awesome love of God and learned to love herself better than she ever has before. Who is striving to reach her dreams and building a better life for herself as she makes better choices. I have seen the ugly and the beautiful si...