God's Plan

I spent alot of quality time with God this morning.  I've been struggling alot in my life about where I am, what I'm doing, and where I'm going.  Honestly, I didn't like where I am or where I was going, but this morning did some good with me and God.  I read a little bit of Job, did some talking, crying, and screaming at God, and then I came to some peace.  

Sometimes we may not like where we are, but this is exactly where God wants us. How many of us are really living our dreams, I mean really living our dreams?  So few of us are. Life doesn't ever happen the way we think it will.  Mine certainly hasn't happened at all like I wanted it to.  Working in retail, single, living with my  parents at age 25.  Seriously, five years ago, I thought I'd be so far out of Houston, married or on the verge, and in a career that I absolutely love. But none of that has happened, and for good reasons.  God has another plan. 

This morning, I learned to relax in God's plan, no matter where I am, how slow my life is going, how far I am from reaching my dreams. I can relax in God, knowing that He has a better plan for my life than I do, so I might as well enjoy where I am for the time-being because it is only temporary.  Why fret and worry? Why not just trust Him? Because in all reality, you will only make trouble for yourself until you do. It is no good to fight God on this one. He is much stronger, and it's a losing battle. I've been there many a time. 

I would of course choose a different life for myself, but if I could have everything I ever wanted, when I wanted it, I would not appreciate it half as much. I would take it for granted. I think God is teaching me to be grateful for the little things that I do have, so that when I do finally get what I'm looking for, I will be overjoyed and gracious (and a little surprised), and I will appreciate it ten times more. 

When it comes to love and relationships, there have been a few guys where I wondered why the hell God just wouldn't let me be with them. And time and time again, God shows me that He has someone better in mind. Honestly, it's going to take a pretty amazing guy to make me want to settle down. Right now, I'm focused on my career, but when I do find that amazing guy, I'll know why God made me wait so long. I think I'm ready, but am I really? Am I really ready for the type of guy that I want? I think I need to get into a more stable place- with myself, with God, and with my life- before I commit to any kind of relationship. I think I still have alot to discover about myself. 

And when it comes to my dreams... I will not stop pursuing them, but I will let them happen in their own timing. I keep trying to rush things and push them before they are ready. If I just relax and let God take control and let them happen in His timing, things will go MUCH much better in my life. So I have decided to let go of the reins just a little bit so God can take more control.  Besides, He is in more control anyway. So I just need to ease up and surrender. Not an easy thing for me to do. It's hard to give up your ambitions, but until you do, those ambitions will only drive you crazy. Give them to God.  He can handle them much better than you can, and He can make them happen in His way, which is a much better way than ours. I am honestly very curious to see how God does handle my ambitions. I'd rather do it His way than mine. I've seen how things work out when I do things my way (not a pretty sight). 

So with all that said, I am happy to say that I came to a little peace today, and I actually did very well at work today, and I finally relaxed enough to write a little blog like this one... and enjoy the rain. Things are good. Things are very good. I am happy, and I don't have a relationship or a perfect career. I have a job in retail, I'm single and living in my parents' house... and I am good. And that is a good place to be in. I know that I will be experiencing alot of change in the coming months, so I am trying to enjoy what I have for the moment.  If I can be happy with what I have now, I can better appreciate what I have when I do finally see my dreams come true. 

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