Journey of a Thousand Miles

I think my life is on a good track. I have found healing in these past few months that I've been away from home. I have found healing in a new relationship that focuses on God, rather than selfish desires. I have found healing by dating a guy who is not manipulative but who cares enough about me to wait for certain things, rather than fulfill his instant gratification. I have found healing knowing that I am worth the wait, that I am beautiful just as I am, that I am talented and smart. I have found healing in godly friends who care about me enough to pray for me and listen to my problems and be honest about their own, rather than condemn me for mine and pretend they're perfect. I have found healing in distancing myself from certain people, certain environments. I have discovered a newfound hope for my life and myself. For awhile, I gave up, thinking that I could never do this or that because so many bad things have happened in my life. But I am starting to believe again. Beli...

I think some good things have happened to me in Austin. It has not been easy, by far. It has been extremely disheartening and eye-opening. God has brought me to my knees time and time again, crying and begging Him to make the pain stop, but He has pushed me through each time. He has not delivered me from my circumstances like I beg Him to because I have oh-so-much to learn from them, and how detrimental it would be if He let me off the hook too easily. It is God's tough love that is allowing me to grow to be a much better, stronger person. I cannot be bitter for that. The lessons I have learned here couldn't have been learned any other way. I had to go through these hard times in order to learn everything there was to learn. I can't believe how immature and dependent I was when I still lived in Houston. I was still a child. I now feel more like an adult. I wanted to grow; I wanted to learn. That is why I came here in the first place. I was sick of the status ...

My first recording session went AMAZING!!!! This is the start to something beautiful and terrific. I have wanted to do this for a long time, and I can't believe it's finally here, and it is everything I ever hoped for. The second I walked into the recording studio, my adrenaline rushed, and I knew it was exactly where I was meant to be. I was meant to do this. At first, I was so nervous to be singing and playing in front of a complete stranger, or in front of anyone for that matter, and my voice wasn't up to par. But once I got comfortable and we recorded a few more tracks, my voice got better, and I eased up, and I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. I can't wait to record more songs! I wish I had done this a long time ago. I could be on the road by now! So my recording engineer really likes my voice and my music, which was really encouraging. He told me everything I wanted to hear and more.

So in light of my last post about taking more risks, I decided to risk sounding/looking like a fool, and I am finally going to a recording studio this Friday and playing my music for a producer. I've played guitar since I was 16 and wrote quite alot of songs since then- enough to make a CD- but I have never played them for anybody (except my mom and my cat) because I'm so afraid that I'll make a complete fool of myself. So despite my fears, I am taking the risk and stepping out of my comfort zone and doing something I wish I'd done a long time ago. I am going to get my songs recorded. I can finally mark this goal off my list. Wish me luck!

I realized today that I am not willing to take the risks it requires to get what I want out of life. All my goals require a little risk-taking, and I've been shying away from them, and then wondering why I can't get what I want out of life. I think it's high time I start practicing some calculated risk-taking.

I went digging through a box of notebooks and magazines today, trying to purge the junk, and I came across a list of goals and universities I wanted to attend, and it reminded me of how much zeal, how much passion I had for life before the "real world" bogged me down with work, work, and more passionless work. And then I wondered, what if I had gone on to attend those schools and had gone after those goals? Would I have made it? Where would I be right now? I feel that my life has gone very slow since graduating college, and by slow, I mean, the things that I want in life have come very slowly. Maybe it's good that way because I get time to enjoy it, but at the same time, I feel that I have settled for less. I feel that I could get so much more out of life if I just confront my fears, doubts, and worries and just do whatever it is that I want to do. Because then atleast I'll know if that's really want I want out of life and I never have to wonder what if? Atle...

I haven't updated this in awhile it seems. Alot has gone on in my life here in Austin. I am now in a relationship- my first boyfriend in 5 years- and it's a big, scary step for me because I'm unsure about being committed. There's alot of reasons for that, which I won't get into today. There are certain things I like about my life here and some things I detest. I won't get into that much today either. But I do want to talk about what God has done in my life here lately. The sermon yesterday talked about how we are exactly where God wants us to be, even if we hate it, and that really changed my perspective on my job because I absolutely hate it! There is a purpose behind my shitty job, my new relationship, my being in Austin, and everything else in my life right now, even if it all doesn't work for me. And our responsibility is to just embrace it because God has a purpose behind everything in our lives. I'm still unsure on whether or not I will stay ...