Journey of a Thousand Miles

Sometimes I wish I could speak to my older, wiser self and have her speak perspective into my life right now. I want her to tell me how things turn out later on down the road, so I will know that all the things I'm doing today are headed in the right direction. I want her to tell me that all the problems I face today will get solved; things will get better. I want her to tell me that all the work I am putting in towards my goals will pay off. I want her to tell me that my prayers will be answered, and it will be good. :) I can't believe how busy my life has gotten lately. I've been putting in a lot of hours towards raising support for my mission trip, and I don't mind it at all because I enjoy the relationships I'm building with the people I'm serving. It's been great to get out of my comfort zone and into somebody else's world for awhile. It puts perspective on my tiny little world. In the midst of all the busyness today, I found a quiet moment when...

I decided that if I won the lottery, I wouldn't want anybody to know because I've heard horror stories of what happens when one becomes suddenly rich. Families get destroyed or feel betrayed if you don't help them out. Friends show their true sides and either get closer or leave when they find out your fortune. Random strangers send letters in the mail describing their misfortunes, begging for deliverance. Money brings out people's true motivations. If I did win the lottery, I would keep it quiet because I wouldn't want my life to change at all. I would want to keep the same relationships and (almost) the same lifestyle. But I have provided you with some indications that something is just not right, so if you see these changes in me, you can pretty much count on the fact that I have suddenly run into a lot of money, or I have gone completely mad, and you should either a) sign me up to the Funny Farm, or b) become my trust fund baby. Here you go: I suddenly quit ...

Today I started housesitting for a girl at church in order to raise money for my mission trip. She has me doing normal household chores, like cooking, cleaning, and laundry, or anything else she needs done- and I have to tell you, I love it! There's something therapeutic about doing simple domestic activities and serving someone (and humbling to clean up someone else's mess). It's nice to take a day away from my own goals and my need to accomplish and put my hands to work on simple chores. It allowed me to stop and focus on something other than my own problems- or at least to sort them out while doing the dishes and getting some much-needed perspective on them. Lately it's been difficult to keep perspective on things. I don't know why. But just when I seem to get out of my slump, something else triggers another emotional response. Someday it will all get better... right? It's not that things are bad. They're just the same.  Nothing much has changed, despit...

Things have been chaotic lately. I totally abandoned my Love Dare series and went on a tangent, and then life happened, and I never got back to it.  And this blog is just another tangent. Easter is around the corner, and I can't wait for Lent to end!  Sometimes I don't realize how much I rely on something until I give it up for 40 days. This one has been undoubtedly the hardest. I've been overwhelmed lately, trying to manage my life and juggle 10,000 things and forgetting that God is supposed to be at the center, instead of my wishes and dreams. I finally took a rest yesterday and decided not to accomplish anything  except spending time with God and nature. So I took a walk in the Greenbelt behind our apartments, and I found a table in the clearing and just sat down and prayed. I could smell the freshness of nature all around me, and I was all alone, so I just let it all out right there in the middle of nowhere, among the trees. I love how God comforts me in my mo...

God brings me back to sanity. When I try to do everything in my own strength and everything seems impossible, I can hear Him speak to me quietly: Sit back and watch Me work. When nothing seems to be going my way. When my life is not panning out the way I'd hoped. When I'm in over my head. When my plans fail to meet my deadlines. He whispers quietly: Sit back and watch Me work. I am constantly reminded that I can't do it on my own strength. I need His guidance. I need His help. I need His hands and feet. Sit back and watch Him work.

One of the many topics we learned in Recovery was setting healthy boundaries in our relationships. Learning to say "no" is what allowed me to let go of an overdue relationship from college which served no purpose in my present life. Sometimes we need to set boundaries on people close to us- our family and friends- who cause us harm through their destructive behavior, and this can be hard because we don't want to hurt them. But sometimes giving in is more harmful than displeasing them. Avoiding confrontation might seem like an immediate remedy to create harmony, but this only creates further conflict down the road. At first, the person you are setting boundaries with will become angry because they are used to being able to control others. When they can't control you, they are left to face themselves and have to grow up and change, since their former behavior no longer works. In essence, they are forced to deal with their own pain and stop blaming others. The worst th...

I think the hardest thing for a single in their late twenties is to not envy those in strong relationships with people they love. Any time I see another engagement on Facebook, it is another reminder of God's delayed promises. Recently, my cousin became engaged (who is younger than I), and my first reaction was envy and a little bit of anger towards God for not providing the same way He has provided for others. After checking my heart, I realized this was not loving towards my cousin, and there is no reason to feel this way because I am not lacking- God has provided sufficiently for my life, and I need to recognize His blessings. These things will not end after attaining a spouse. There will always be something to covet- somebody's house, their children, their income, etc., so it's best to check this heart matter at the door and leave it there. Plus, people are aware when others are not happy for their successes, and it greatly impacts a relationship when one feels they are...