The Safer Route

Recently I had a talk with a guy about a job opportunity. Truthfully, I didn't want this job, but I've been feeling like I "should" be a responsible adult and "go out and get a job." I don't think this feeling came from God exactly; I think it came from my fears that I can't do what I really want to do. I started freaking out that I may not be successful at what I want to do. It became clear to me that I may not be able to make a living out of what I want to be doing. Atleast not for awhile.

So I started searching for the easy way out of pursuing my dreams: get a job.

While on the phone with this guy, he started asking me point blank questions. About my resume. About my aspirations. About why I was moving home. About why I've had so many jobs in such a short amount of time (that one kind of burned). And since he was being so blunt, I decided to be blunt myself.

I told him about my dreams and aspirations. About my plans when I move home. About why I think I can't seem to hold down on a job. He didn't seem too impressed with my answers. He started to point out that I had a high turnover rate, that a high turnover rate is risky, and that it is very expensive to hire someone with a high turnover rate. He was worried that I would be pursuing my own aspirations instead of working for his. He said he couldn't expect me to share his aspirations, and he respected me for having my own. He told me to call him when I moved back to Houston and maybe we could talk in person and see if we "get along."

When I got off the phone, I felt really down. I knew I had a hard time keeping day jobs, and I knew that fact would work against me. But when you finally hear someone say "you have a high turnover rate, and that's risky," you start to think, "Am I qualified for anything?"

I know God has put a dream in my heart. I know He has given me a purpose. I know I am qualified for something and that God can use me, even if the "real world" can't. I may have a high turnover rate for day jobs, but God doesn't look at my resume and say, "Yikes, this person is risky. I don't think I can use them." I know God has designed me differently.

When I graduated college, I didn't want to work a conventional job. I never fit in with the 8-5, Monday through Friday lifestyle. I knew my dreams were too big to fit in that tiny little box. But I had to pay bills. I had to conform. I had to be "responsible." So I got a job. Then I quit. Then I got another job. And I quit that one too. One by one, I realized I cannot do this type of work for the rest of my life. I knew in my heart what I wanted to do, but I was never brave enough to pursue them. So I kept getting day jobs, only to be miserable in them because I wasn't going after my true aspirations.

Living the safe route has gotten me nowhere. It's time to do what has always been in my heart, what I know I should be doing because I have done what the world thinks I should be doing, and I have not succeeded in playing it safe.

The reason I am unqualified for the "real world" and have a high turnover rate in day jobs is because God has a better plan for me. He wants to use me in a different way, outside of the conventional lifestyle. I am not unqualified to be used for His kingdom. I am not "too risky" or "too expensive" to be used for His purposes. God will still hire me, despite my inability to do the things I was never meant to do anyway.  Thank God for that.

As I prepare for my move to Houston, I am also preparing myself to be brave. To do what I've never had the courage to do before. To believe in myself and believe in the dreams that God has placed in me. He won't let me get away with the easy, safe route anymore. Why compromise His plans just so I can feel a false sense of security? If a day job was so secure, then I would never lose one. Obviously there is no true security in that. The only safe route is following God and His plans.

And I intend to do just that.