Just Be Human

Sometimes during the Women's Development Program, girls would say, "God is wrecking me up lately." It happened alot on the mission trip, and it would coincide with lots of crying and hugging and praying. I have to say, I couldn't totally relate because I felt at peace with how things were going, and I thought they were just in the Emotional Sandbox (that's when your emotions are overreacting to reality). But recently, I have found myself in their boat, and now it's my turn to say:
God is wrecking me up lately. 
There are times in life when I'll pray for something that I really, really want, and I'll do whatever it takes to get it, and God just flat out says, "No." Then I have a mini-meltdown and do everything short of pounding my fists on the floor, trying to beg God to change His mind and give me another chance (side note: I don't think this has ever worked once in my life, but that doesn't stop me from trying!). Lately, my unanswered prayers have been really weighing on me to the point that I really don't understand what God is up to.

And that is exactly the point where He needs us to be.

We don't need to know everything God is up to. Things just don't make sense, yeah I get it. This plan really doesn't look all that great, and it involves alot of suffering. We think we can work ourselves out of our pain by praying more, reading the Bible more, whatever. But You can't stop God's plan. We don't have to know everything about what He is up to. We don't have to know His plan. 

His plan doesn't have to make sense to be right. 

I am humbled lately because I've been leaning on my own understanding, rather than relying on God's wisdom. I'm reminded over and over again that God's character is not like mine or anyone else's on this earth. I'm still trying to understand His character, and I am mostly humbled by the fact that He reveals things to me in His own timing. I will never have it all figured out. And I just have to be okay with that. 

Sometimes it is enough to just be human. 

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