Bigger and Better Dreams

I'm fighting between what I want for my life and what God wants for my life. The stronger I get in my relationship with God and the more I read His Word, the more I realize that my mission in life is to help other people around the world and to lead others to Him. That is my call as a Christian. I have other goals in my life (get published, write music, and so forth), but sometimes I feel that my time can be better spent seeking out the lost and helping those around the world. I have asked God what to do with my dreams, and He says, "Keep writing. I will use it."

I don't know how my dreams coincide with His, but I know He will use them. I have asked Him to replace my dreams with His dreams for my life, and maybe He is slowly doing that. I know that His dreams are bigger and better than mine, more satisfying and fulfilling. He has a larger purpose for me, and I want to know what that is. Maybe He is quietly revealing it to me without my realizing it. Maybe that's why I've been slowly letting go of my dreams to make room for His. Maybe that's why I am so enthralled with reading about life in other parts of the globe because maybe one day, He will take me to those places.

For now, I have become comfortable. I am content with my 8-5 job, my stabile paycheck, my cozy apartment, my car, my singledom, my church, my friends, my savings account that is finally growing and not depleting. It's nice to not be struggling. It's nice for things to be predictable and steady. Mind you, I get bored easily and want more adventure and excitement. But I love when Monday morning comes around, and I get to go back to a constant routine. It keeps things steady on the inside.

But when my curiosity gets the best of me, and I become intrigued with the rest of the world, my easy life starts to look meaningless. There are people who need my help. There are women selling themselves on streets, orphans who are starving, kids sniffing glue to forget their problems, and what am I doing again?! Oh yeah, living on a steady paycheck, eating lots of food, spending my money on frivolous activities. There is such a large difference between my life and theirs. I want so badly to be immersed in theirs, to reach out to them and show them the Light. To guide them back to safety.

But what a struggle it would be to let go of all that I've built up for myself, only to tear it down and set out into the unknown. I've done it before and know that path all too well. But maybe God has prepared me for the next step. Maybe He brought me this far so He could take me further. Austin was originally supposed to be the jumping point. It was never meant to be the destination.

These are just thoughts. God only knows what the future holds. I don't know where the next six months will lead me. For now, I will just keep praying and enjoy the blessings He has given me today. I will enjoy the comfort and stability and thank the Lord that I don't have to live in a third world country. What a conundrum.