So Much to Learn, So Little Time

Just when I think it's impossible for me to grow any stronger and start to believe I'll always be this way, God proves me otherwise. Living on my own, away from my family, has been an immense struggle, but I knew going into it that the challenges I would face and lessons I'd learn would be worth it in the long run. God has forced me into situations that I would normally run away from, compelling me to change and find a way to overcome my struggles. In this next year in Austin, I want to dedicate my life to healing and growth and let God bring me what He will bring me.

I have finally come to accept my singleness. I don't need the distraction of a guy from my healing process, and I want to find mental stability without depending on a man. In my instability, I will only find a guy who will bring me down, and I have already been there and done that. I know that road all too well, and I will not walk down it again. I am leaning on God, now more than ever, and taking my hopes and dreams to Him. After my last very short relationship ended, I made a vow to close my eyes for a man and let God do all the searching. I'd rather have what God has in store for me than what my limited human ideals can find.

One goal I have for myself is to let God define my self-worth, instead of living at the mercy of other people's opinions. Time and time again, I have given up my goals and dreams to be accepted by some insecure person who brought me down. That is no way to live. I have too much worth and potential to give myself up like that. It has been a constant battle for me, and I am finally ready to take up my sword and fight this one out, rather than run away from it and hope that my circumstances will solve themselves. So much has been lost due to this flaw, and I am not willing to lose anymore. I don't want to be so dependent on exterior sources, and I want my strength to come from within, which means I will have to do alot of fighting and struggling, but it will be worth it in the end. I'm facing this monster eye-to-eye, and I'm not running away this time.

So there, I said it.

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