My Former Life

Life is weighing heavy on my heart today. You know, I left everything behind to pursue a better life, to pursue my dreams, and I knew it was going to be a hard challenge. But I didn't know that some days I would hurt so much that I would ache to go back to the former life I left behind and couldn't wait to leave. I look back on those days and think how easy it was and ask myself what the hell I was ever thinking in leaving. Every day I wake up to my harsh reality and dread the day. I dread getting out of bed. I always want to go back into my peaceful dreams that hold more hope for me than my current predicament. I don't know how to get out of this, but I know that I want out. I try to remind myself that other people have it harder than me, but when you feel as lonely as I do at times, it doesn't seem like there are other people in the world. I try to find solace in anything and everything, and I never find it. Some days I feel strong and able. Other days I wonder what I ever did wrong to get such shitty treatment from people. Is all this really worth it? I don't handle stress too well, and I wonder if after my lease is up, if I should just go back home where I can find comfort and solace. To think that I ever felt unhappy at home is very strange to me now. I would give anything to go back to my former life, even if it means compromising my dreams. I don't know how some people do it. I am constantly living in fear and dread. I wish I was a stronger person, but I'm simply not. I am weak and afraid, and I want to go home.

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