Journey of a Thousand Miles

Life is weighing heavy on my heart today. You know, I left everything behind to pursue a better life, to pursue my dreams, and I knew it was going to be a hard challenge. But I didn't know that some days I would hurt so much that I would ache to go back to the former life I left behind and couldn't wait to leave. I look back on those days and think how easy it was and ask myself what the hell I was ever thinking in leaving. Every day I wake up to my harsh reality and dread the day. I dread getting out of bed. I always want to go back into my peaceful dreams that hold more hope for me than my current predicament. I don't know how to get out of this, but I know that I want out. I try to remind myself that other people have it harder than me, but when you feel as lonely as I do at times, it doesn't seem like there are other people in the world. I try to find solace in anything and everything, and I never find it. Some days I feel strong and able. Other days I wonder what I...

Sooo much has happened (and not happened) in the past two months (I can't believe it's already been 2 months) since I moved to Austin. I am still looking for a full-time job, so pray for me guys. Gap has mentioned a promotion, but we'll see if that happens. If not, then I need to get on the ball and start looking. I've kinda fallen into a mini depression being so away from everything familiar, but I think this is a good experience for me, and I know something good will come out of it. It just takes time. I think I've found a church home in Austin, called the Austin Stone. It is a lively, genuine church with a lot of real, young Christians who are really about Christ and not just fakin' it like alot of other young people. So I really like that about them. Singledom in a new city is sometimes harder to deal with than singledom in a familiar city, even though I have a close friend right by me. Times get tough, and sometimes I would just like a companion to come ho...

So I stumbled upon a book at a coffeeshop in Tomball the other day. I had actually gone in there to do some writing, but started perusing the bookshelves and found a memoir called "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not," which is a true account of a woman who struggled through love and many horrible relationships before finding God and a better man. Being a sucker for memoirs and also being able to relate first-hand with the book, I sat there and read for about an hour, taking it all in and feeling like I had just made a new best friend. But what it really did for me was make me realize that I was not alone and that God does have a purpose for all the craziness and ambiguity going on in my life right now. And, most of all, it gave me hope that something better will come along... if I just trust Him and wait. I've actually done alot of soul-searching and had several revelations during my little "retreat" back to Houston. I've realized that there are a few things that ...

Feels sooo good to be home! Went to the coffee shop on Main Street in Tomball with my mom, had a nice little chat, and realized how much I grew up in the past month. I love being home and all, but I think I'm doing well for myself by living in Austin. I think it's good to keep my distance because that's the only way I'll grow. It's so nice to see familiar faces, familiar places with a fresh new perspective. I have to say, I'm in a good spot in my life. Even though it's challenging for me to live on my own and pursue my dreams, there is so much good going on beneathe the surface, and I think that's what really matters. I don't regret my decision to move AT ALL. I think it has pushed me to face my fears and live a better life. I hope I can go back to Austin with a better perspective, knowing how much good is coming out of this experience. Seeing how much better off I am and how much I'm growing and becoming a better person has made me very grateful...

So things are finally packed and ready for me, and I'm getting a little antsy about my big move to Austin. My fears are looming largely in front of me, and I'm having to take one step at a time through that huge Wall of Fear. My home doesn't feel like home anymore, and everything around me is just a blur. I'm letting go. It feels weird because I know my life is changing drastically, which means I'm changing drastically. There are so many people and new friends I'm letting go of, and it's scary.  One thing I want to do in Austin is figure out which career route is ultimately right for me. I think I've narrowed it down to writing. I want to pursue all my dreams when I get there, which I know will be hard when I'm trying to make a living- and find time to do what I love. It'll be difficult, but it'll also be worth it. I was in a lull in Houston. I was just waiting for life to happen, and it just kept waiting for me to make it happen. So I got ...

Things are going exceptionally well for me. I think God has been speaking to me lately, and it's always good to hear from God after a long bout of silence. Things are moving forward for me (finally!), and I feel like I am finally  getting everything where it needs to be. It's scary bc I'm having to face some challenges and fears, but I think that's what life is all about sometimes, esp. if you ever want to get where you want to get. I was living pretty stagnant for awhile, getting a little too comfortable with mediocrity, but I'm back on the path of accomplishing my goals and going after my dreams. I think I just settled and gave up for awhile bc I just didn't see a way, but after taking one giant leap of faith, I realized that's what it takes to get anywhere in life. One giant leap of faith.  So I will be leaving for Austin in a month, and I am beyond excited, but also a little scared and sad, but I have enough faith in God at this point to get me there. I...

I spent alot of quality time with God this morning.  I've been struggling alot in my life about where I am, what I'm doing, and where I'm going.  Honestly, I didn't like where I am or where I was going, but this morning did some good with me and God.  I read a little bit of Job, did some talking, crying, and screaming at God, and then I came to some peace.   Sometimes we may not like where we are, but this is exactly where God wants us. How many of us are really living our dreams, I mean really  living our dreams?  So few of us are. Life doesn't ever happen the way we think it will.  Mine certainly hasn't happened at all like I wanted it to.  Working in retail, single, living with my  parents at age 25.  Seriously, five years ago, I thought I'd be so far out of Houston, married or on the verge, and in a career that I absolutely love. But none of that has happened, and for good reasons.  God has another plan.  This morning, I learned to relax in God's p...